


we're still the same

by PotatoButt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Falling In Love, Growing Up Together, M/M, Slow Build, tooru is a prince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoButt/pseuds/PotatoButt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was a realization that could be compared to clouds clearing after a storm, revealing the sun.</p><p>Hajime was in love with the prince."</p><p>--</p><p>the prince/servant AU that no one asked for. 2 parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

The kingdom of Aoba Johsai was nested in a plentiful land. The Oikawa castle was settled in a clear expanse, forest to the east, coast to the west. The king was well-liked by his subjects, and he had been lucky enough to bear a perfectly healthy son as his first, and only child, christened Oikawa Tooru. Soon after the birth of the prince, the queen fell ill, and she died of infection. While that type of death was not uncommon for that time, the kingdom mourned her death deeply, as did the king, who withdrew for several months. Tooru wasn't even a year old when she passed.

In his infant and toddler years, the prince did not spend much time with his father, as the king was usually too busy with business affairs to play the role of a father. Tooru was cared for by his nurse and nanny instead. When he was weaned, he still spent a lot of time with his nurse and her own young son, but this did not last much longer than his second year of life. He had little memory of this, just fuzzy thoughts that he wasn’t sure were memories at all.

Tooru resembled his mother more than his father. He had inherited her slightly wavy brown hair and her brown eyes, her smile, too, all joy and mischief. He did get his father’s nose, though, small and a bit upturned, but it worked well on his face. He was a most adorable prince that all of Aoba Johsai adored. 

When he was a toddler, Tooru often was seen in public with his father in the environment of tournaments or banquets, happily sitting in the king’s lap. That was one of Tooru’s favorite things, as he was usually disconnected from his father. The kingdom loved seeing them together as well, it gave a change of mood after the death of the queen.

The prince was raised through the church, being taught to go to Mass in the morning, pray before every meal, and confess to every sin. The chaplains would scold him as needed, which was often for pulling pranks or telling lies. Tooru often grew tired of the strict church rules, sneaking around to avoid prayer or pretending to be too ill for mass; he confessed to those sins another time.

Until he was six years old, Tooru’s life was more or less contained to the walls of the castle. The only time he spent outside was in the courtyard, and that hardly counted. He itched to run around outside, as he was getting bored with the life he was currently living. 

One afternoon, Tooru’s nanny dressed him in riding clothes, which were unfamiliar to Tooru. Usually, he wore simple but mildly uncomfortable clothes. The riding clothes were thicker and of a more leathery material. He was escorted outside the main gates by a nurse and down a path, where his father was waiting for him in the stables, wearing a similar outfit. Tooru held his nose at the smell of horse dung.

“What are we doing here, papa?” Tooru asked, reaching up to hold his father’s rough hand.

“You’re going to learn to ride, son.” The king explained. A moment later, a man walked to them from a shed, holding a saddle and a set of reigns. When he noticed the pair, he stopped, bowing low as his greeting. He dressed a short horse with the equipment, and then went to get another set. It was then that Tooru noticed another child, someone he had not met. This child stood a distance away in the stables, and he was staring Tooru down with sharp eyes. This boy had short, and a bit spiky, black hair and intimidating eyebrows.

Tooru tugged on his fathers arm, crudely pointing at the other boy, “Papa, who’s that?” He asked.

“Ah, that’s Iwaizumi Hajime. His father cares for our horses.” Tooru just nodded, still looking at the other boy, even though he’d been told that it was rude to stare at people. Hajime’s father finished dressing the second short horse, brushing some hay dust off of the saddle.

“All right, your highness.” Hajime’s father beckoned him with a hand, to which the king urged Tooru forward. “Here’s how to mount the horse. You place your left foot in the stirrup here,” He pointed, “and then you hoist yourself up, throwing your other leg around the horse’s back to rest in the other stirrup.” It seemed like a pretty simple process to Tooru. “Hajime, how about you get on as an example.”

Hajime perked up, walking over to one of the horses. Tooru frowned deeply. “I don’t need an example. I can mount a horse.” He said stubbornly. In a fit of pride, Tooru stuck his foot in the place he’d been told to, but when he went to hoist himself up, his foot slipped out, and he fell into the hay. Of course, Hajime was snickering. Tooru huffed, thoroughly humbled as he stood up and brushed the hay off of his butt.

“That’s quite all right. Most don’t get it right on the first try. It helps to grip the stirrup with your heel.” Hajime’s father told him, after scolding his son for being rude. Tooru nodded. He tried again, this time being mindful of his heel, and he was able to mount. It was uncomfortable on his crotch, the saddle, and he felt like his legs were indecently spread wide, but he was sitting on a horse, so that was cool.

Hajime got on the second horse, beside Tooru. “Good job,” He said, and Tooru knew he was teasing. Hajime, still a child the same age as Tooru, had difficulty showing the prince the proper respect, but the king said nothing to stop him. In fact, he seemed amused. Apparently the king and Hajime’s father were relatively friendly with each other, having bonded over their horses. Even so, Hajime coined the prince to be a bit of a brat. He had too much confidence. 

Tooru learned how to control the horse easily, as the idea was fairly simple. He trotted in circles around the lawn until he felt comfortable. Hajime was behind him on his own horse, saying nothing, but watching again. Something about the prince was interesting to him.

When they were done riding, Tooru was taken back into the castle with the king, where he was bathed and dressed for prayer and dinner. In the dining hall, Tooru and Hajime met eyes several times, but neither boy waved or otherwise gestured to the other.

—

At ten years old, Tooru started learning the ways of fighting, how to use different sorts of weapons, should he ever need to in combat or war. At first, training went well. Tooru was particularly good at sword fighting and close-combat weaponless fighting. Archery was turning out to be difficult, but Tooru decided it was unimportant. There was a new page in the group, however, and he was proving to be more skilled than Tooru, right off the bat. Some of the teachers would talk and say that he could grow up to be head knight. Tooru just would eye the other boy enviously, burning jealousy heating under his skin, but one afternoon the two were paired up for a little mock-duel.

“I’ll go easy on you, Tobio!” Tooru teased proudly, posed in front of the other boy before they started. Tobio didn’t have any sort of response for the prince, just a sort of innocent blank stare. Their teacher called for them to start, and Tooru lunged forward with a jab of his wooden sword. Tobio dodged him, almost falling back on his butt. Tooru grew a little too confident, and left his chest unguarded. Tobio used that instance to hit a winning jab just right of Tooru’s armpit. Tooru froze, staring at Tobio with a murderous look. Tooru tossed his sword to the ground and moved to punch Tobio in the face, but the teacher stopped him, scolding that a prince should humbly accept defeat.

Tooru pouted, embarrassed. His confidence was bruised, and he wasn’t going to be nice to Tobio any time soon.

As soon as the training was over for the day, Tobio stormed off to the stables. He was upset, feeling insecure, and he really just wanted to be alone to think about all of the different ways he could hit Tobio with his hands. In the castle, he wasn’t going to get to do that; he would just be prodded and lectured. Tooru wiped a stubborn tear off of his cheek as he pushed through the stable’s thick wooden door. He stomped around a corner, looking for a relatively clean place to sit. Instead, he found Hajime, who was grooming his horse with a wooden comb.

Hajime’s horse was a dark brown basic breed, but she had a bit of beauty to her. Hajime was surprised to see the prince, and in such a state at that. So surprised, he nearly forgot to bow at his entrance like he’d been told to. “Your highness,” He greeted, dipping his head down slightly. He didn’t see Tooru in the stables that often, or at all for that matter. Sometimes he forgot that he and the prince were actually similar in build, except that Hajime was a little taller.

Tooru laughed coldly, “Forget that.” Tooru didn’t feel like being the prince then. He was just Tooru, disappointing and untalented, easily defeated, Tooru. Hajime walked up to him, wordlessly offering his handkerchief. Tooru hesitated, but took it, frowning as he wiped his nose. “Thank you.” He mumbled. He was a little embarrassed, being cared for by Hajime was a bit too humbling.

Hajime wasn’t sure what was wrong with Tooru, but it did have him feeling a bit concerned. “Uh… Are you all right?” Hajime finally asked, getting a stool for Tooru to sit on.

Sitting, Tooru sighed deeply, “I lost a duel.” One of Hajime’s eyebrows picked up. “I left my chest open.” Tooru was pouting, rather pathetically. Hajime thought that was a stupid thing to be so upset about, but he would just hear the prince out for now.

Hajime squatted beside the prince, “Hm, well, I suppose you could use the defeat to your benefit. Learn to read your enemy.” Hajime offered. He didn’t know much at all about sword fighting or fighting in general. He just wanted the prince to feel better. His crying face really bothered Hajime.

Tooru glanced to his side, and decided that he shouldn’t say anything snarky to Hajime. He was only trying to be kind, genuinely. Tooru was used to people being nice to him out of custom, but Hajime seemed to not care much about that. “Read my enemy, hm? I’ll try that next time.”

Since that afternoon, the two had become unlikely friends. Tooru often visited the stables, sometimes to unload his stress or go for a ride with Hajime, sometimes both. Sometimes, Tooru would just barge in and get on his horse, and Hajime would quickly follow. After some coaxing, the prince would tell Hajime what was bothering him. Hajime also learned how to tell the difference between Tooru’s real smile and the fake one he would put on as a sort of disguise. Tooru knew Hajime well too, well enough to know when Hajime was being serious, or when Hajime was calling him names out of affection.

Tooru liked Hajime’s friendship. He was the one person that didn’t treat him like the prince, someone who wasn’t scared to tell him he was wrong. The more comfortable that they got together, the more Hajime’s real personality shined. He was kind, in his deepest trait. He was a bit rough, sometimes unrefined, but overall, well meaning. Tooru thought of Hajime sometimes like a role model, but he would never ever admit it.

Hajime often was irritated with Tooru’s ridiculous behavior and sarcastic remarks, but it was all in good taste. When they were saying rude things back and forth, they were actually being nice to each other. That’s just how they were.

A couple years later, Tooru marched into the stables, a couple wooden swords in his hand, and two shields over his back. When Hajime looked up from his cleaning, he gave the prince a confused look. His hands were still wrapped around the broom he’d been using. “Uh, what’s that for?”

“This,” Tooru said, holding out a sword and shield to Hajime, “Is a practice sword and shield.” Hajime took them, an apprehensive look on his face. “I’m such a good person that I am going to try to teach you how to sword fight. Granted, it’s not for everyone, but, even a simpleton like you- _ow!_ ” Tooru yelped as Hajime bopped him on the head with the wood.

“Shut it.” Hajime frowned at the prince, stopping his egotistic diatribe in its tracks. Tooru just grinned, dragging Hajime by his wrist outside. It was the afternoon, and the sun was high and unhidden in the sky.

“All right, Hajime. First you have to make sure you hold your sword the right way.” Tooru positioned Hajime’s hand around the hilt for him.

“I could do it myself, idiot.” Hajime muttered, frowning like he always did at Tooru, who simply stuck his tongue out in response.

“Hajime, show some respect. I’m generous and kind enough to take time out of my busy, and demanding princely life to humbly teach you, dear sweet stable boy Hajime-,” Tooru was cut off by Hajime swinging his sword at him. “Stop that! How rude!” Tooru exclaimed, but Hajime knew he wasn’t actually offended. Tooru cleared his throat, “Anyways, so there are basic sword movements, like this.” Tooru explained, showing Hajime different ways to swing and jab.

Hajime nodded, carefully listening to Tooru’s instructions. “And the shield?”

Tooru hummed, hand to his chin, “There’s never really any specific instructions to that. Just don’t get hit.” He shrugged. He stepped into a fighting stance, “Shall we practice, Hajime?”

“Don’t cry if you lose.” Hajime said, but instantly regretted the remark when he saw the fastest glimpse of insecurity flash over Tooru’s features.

Tooru’s lips pursed, “I won’t.” He said in a hard tone, eyes narrowed. Hajime swallowed, an apology dying in his throat. Apologizing hadn’t been in their nature, because they didn’t usually actually offend each other. 

When they started their little duel, Hajime was easily overwhelmed by Tooru’s talent at first. After a couple swings, Hajime got the hang of it, so he wasn’t instantly defeated. Tooru swung at him, and while trying to dodge, Hajime slipped in the dirt and fell down, legs knocking into Tooru’s, bringing him down with him. Tooru was heavy on Hajime’s chest, but somehow Hajime didn’t mind the weight.

Tooru wasn’t used to being so close to Hajime. He shoved himself up, brushing the dirt off of his pants. He felt a little weird, but held a hand out to help Hajime to his feet. “That’s not how you win, Hajime.” Tooru taunted. Somehow, he’d liked being close to Hajime physically. That sparked a minor change in their relationship. 

Tooru began to be clingy around Hajime, often throwing an arm around his shoulder when they walked together, or sitting much to close, knees bumping together. At first, Hajime thought it was strange to touch so casually all the time, as people usually didn’t do that. They generally avoided contact, especially between classes. Sure, knights would clap each other over the shoulder in a haughty joke, but Tooru’s touching was different. Hajime didn’t know how to explain how, but in the end he decided it didn’t matter.

—

The first time Hajime saw Tooru dressed up in his nicest attire, he was surprised. His hair was combed neatly; the hairdresser must have tried very hard to get the stubborn locks to lay flat. His jeweled crown rested on his head perfectly. His outfit was ornate, ivory and a light blue-green color that was most likely satin. Hajime only got to see him in passing, though, as the occasion was some sort of banquet for people of a higher social standing. When Hajime had seen Tooru, he was formally greeting other nobles with his father, the king.

Tooru was miserable. He hated formal functions, and his clothes were itchy, and his crown was starting to dig into his scalp uncomfortably. He smiled and was introduced to many people, like always. He was only thirteen, but he was also introduced to many princesses, and he knew that they were examining him as a potential husband. They all seemed rather plain to him, however. He sat beside his father in a stiff chair at a table while they ate. He ended up drinking a bit more wine than he should have, but that wasn’t important. He was bored. So very bored.

Having never been drunk in his life, Tooru wasn’t sure what to expect when he drank his fourth glass of red wine. He already felt a bit warm and fuzzy, but he didn’t care. After dinner, he was finally able to escape. He clumsily changed out of his formal clothes and into his usual plain outfit, crudely yanking on his boots. He nearly fell down as he walked out of the castle, but didn’t care about that either. He didn’t even care if his reputation was bruised by stumbling around drunk. He went to the stables. In his haze, he just wanted to hang out with Hajime. When Tooru busted into the stables, Hajime dropped the ball he’d had in his hands.

Hajime instantly noted that the prince was pretty drunk. Tooru was an unnaturally balanced person, usually holding a perfect stature. Now, he was leaning hard against the door frame as if he might fall if it wasn’t there. “Uh, Tooru? How was the banquet?”

Tooru walked over to Hajime, throwing his arms around him, pressing their faces cheek to cheek. “Hoooooorrible, Hajime. Boring. Never… Never been more bored in my life.” He murmured. Hajime could smell the sweet wine on his breath. “All these princesses, but I don’t even _like_ princesses… They’re boring too.” He whined stupidly. Hajime grimaced.

“Get off me, you drunk idiot.” He tried to pry Tooru’s arms off. In protest, Tooru clung tighter.  
 “No!” He whined, “You’re my friend, you can’t make me go away.” He really was pathetic.

“I didn’t say go away- I set get off.” Hajime almost growled, but it seemed like Tooru wasn’t going anywhere. Hajime sighed, he would just have to deal with this, just like all of Tooru’s other idiotic habits. Tooru droned on about how horrible prince life was for some time, until Hajime finally took him back into the castle.

—

“Hajime, we’re best friends, right?” Tooru asked, voice hollow of his usual light tone.

“Yeah.” Hajime replied. The two of them were lying on the roof of the stables at night, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the stars, saying nothing. Hajime had picked up on another one of Tooru’s moods, but hadn’t managed to get any talking out of the prince. “What is it?” He pressed. 

Tooru looked down at his chest, picking at his tunic. He sighed, gazing back up at the sky. “I don’t think I’ll be a good king.” He said quietly, because he didn’t want to admit it. The thought was ever looming in his mind, like a big dark storm cloud.

Hajime sat up, looking at Tooru in the moonlight. “What? What makes you say that?” He could see Tooru’s troubled expression, outlined by the changes that puberty had brought onto his features. The little adorable prince had grown into a rather handsome young man, a prince charming, so to speak. All of the ladies loved him.

But the ladies would never see him like this, like how Hajime saw him. Hajime wondered if the ladies could see beyond Tooru’s pretty face and peel away the fake smile.

Tooru’s eyebrows made a crease on his forehead, “I’m not good at combat, or hunting, and I don’t know how to fix all of the kingdom’s problems… I don’t even know the first thing about being a king.” He covered his face with his hands; he didn’t want Hajime to see his insecurity, as it practically oozed out of every pore in his skin.

Lips pursed, Hajime thought it over for a moment, “No one is born knowing how to be a king. You have to learn over time. You can’t just force it to happen…” That didn’t seem to appease Tooru very much. Hajime crossed his arms over his chest, gazing up to the sky. “I think you’ll be a good king. Maybe the best.”

After a moment, Tooru peeked out from his fingers, and Hajime could see that the corners of his eyes were pinched, that he was smiling, “Oh Hajime, you’re so sweet! It’s like you’re trying to woo me.” He quipped, his tone light again.

Hajime deadpanned, punching the prince in the shoulder, “Shut up, you prick.” He sighed, laying back down on the roof. Hajime was glad that it was over that easily.

Tooru was feeling a bit better. He was always better after talking to Hajime. He sighed too, leaning his head to the side, pressing against Hajime’s shoulder. Hajime’s head tilted too, cheek against Tooru’s soft hair. Tooru felt relaxed, like he could have lied there forever and gazed up at the stars until they all burned out. When he had to return to the castle, Tooru found it hard to leave. He did, though, knowing it would be trouble if his father or his staff knew he was sneaking around late at night.

—

“Don’t push yourself, idiot.” Hajime grumbled, watching Tooru swing repeatedly at a hay dummy.

“I’m,” Tooru spoke, words punctuated by movements, “not.” He was sweating, and he’d taken off his top a while ago, leaving him in his tight pants, gloves, and boots. He’d even managed to splinter and crack one of the wooden practice swords.

Hajime rolled his eyes. He was sitting a few feet away, knees bent in front of him. He was taking a break. His body couldn’t keep up with Tooru’s pace. He wondered how Tooru could even practice like that. His footwork was fast, and if his opponent had been real, the pace would have been dizzying. Hajime’s gaze shifted upward, staring up at the clouds in the sky.

He was pondering if the clouds looked like rainclouds when he heard Tooru cry out in pain. Hajime’s head snapped to him, seeing him collapsed on the ground. Hajime got up hastily, a rush of adrenaline shooting through him. “Tooru?” He was at his side in an instant. Tooru was halfway curled up, hands clutching his right knee.   
 Tooru’s face was twisted up in pain. “H-hajime, I, I don’t know what I did.” He managed, panic thick in his voice. His eyes were closed tight.

Hajime’s eyebrows pushed together, “I don’t know either. I wasn’t looking.” Hajime moved Tooru’s hands away carefully. He couldn’t see any evident injury, other than the face that the skin was a bit red. “Can you move it at all?” Hajime asked.

Tooru’s leg moved the tiniest degree, but he hissed in pain, “No, I can’t.” His voice was strained. He couldn’t even explain _how_ his knee hurt. He’d slipped in the dirt, and fallen, and his leg did something, something that hurt a lot. He was in enough pain that he didn’t even notice the tears in his eyes.

“Tooru, I have to get you inside, to somebody.” Hajime told him, resting a hand on Tooru’s stiff shoulder.   
 “I can’t get up,” Tooru said with a set jaw. 

Hajime bit his lip, trying to figure out a solution. He was still just a little bit bigger than Tooru, and he had more upper body muscle, but he wasn’t sure if he could lift and carry the prince all the way into the castle. “All right. Um, I’m gonna carry you. Just brace yourself so I don’t cause you more pain.” Hajime told him, smoothing hair away from Tooru’s sweaty forehead gently.

Tooru just nodded, locking his body up. Hajime moved, getting his arms under Tooru’s back and thighs to lift him. Hajime heaved him up, finding that he felt much lighter than expected. Tooru gasped and whimpered at the movement, “Sorry, sorry.” Hajime mumbled. He walked as carefully as he could without going too slow. Once inside the castle, walls, several people rushed up to the pair. They demanded to know what happened, but Tooru refused to let anyone else carry him to the infirmary room. 

“He- your highness slipped, in the practice ring.” Hajime spoke carefully, glancing down at Tooru in his arms. He looked pale, probably from all the pain he was in. Once in the infirmary, Hajime was able to lay Tooru down on a stiff and hard bed. He gasped when his knee was accidentally jostled, but Hajime couldn’t react. He was shooed out of the area by nurses, despite the fact that Tooru’s hand was reaching for his. 

Hajime was intensely worried the rest of the evening, even more so when Tooru didn’t appear at the dining hall for dinner. 

Tooru, meanwhile, was confined to his bed, knee bandaged tightly and elevated by pillows. The doctor had decided that it was a deep sprain, and that Tooru needed to be careful on it for some time to avoid hurting himself again. He was miserable, in short. There was nothing to keep him occupied in his bedroom. He wanted to see Hajime, but he wasn’t sure if Hajime even wanted to see him. He probably thought Tooru was downright foolish. He was even warned by Hajime not not practice like he did. Tooru held his face in his hands for a moment, dragging his fingers down to pull at his skin. He felt so stupid.

Eventually, he fell asleep, despite being uncomfortable and still in a bit of pain. The next morning, his bedchamber gentleman woke him up, asking if he felt well enough to get out of bed. Tooru tried, but as soon as he tried to settle weight onto his right leg, he gasped in pain. As such, he returned to his bed, defeated. His servant left to fetch him breakfast.

When he returned, the servant carried a tray of breakfast. “Your highness, I also come with a message.”

“Hmm?” Tooru sounded, picking at his biscuit with a fork.

“Mister Iwaizumi was asking how you were feeling. I informed him that your knee could not support you yet. He sends his best wishes for a swift recovery.”

“He… He said that?” Tooru asked, looking up at his gentleman, who nodded. He felt relieved. Hajime didn’t hate him for being a blithering fool.

“Yes, your highness. May I bring you anything else at the moment?”

Tooru shook his head, bidding the servant away.

It took Tooru almost a week to be able to get out of bed and walk father than his chamberpot. When he was strong enough to walk through the castle, Tooru was finally able to see Hajime again. They met in a hall. Hajime knelt down in a bow, and Tooru blushed and told him to get up. Hajime looked worried.

“I’m sorry.” Tooru mumbled, fiddling with the cane he was given. He couldn’t meet Hajime’s eyes.

“You… You don’t have to be sorry. It’s all right. I was just worried.” Hajime sighed, scratching his jaw. “This is why I told you to take it easy, you stubborn ass.” Hajime quietly told him, not daring to be overheard. Tooru finally looked at Hajime’s face. He was trying to look stern, but his look of relief melted that away.

Tooru’s lips twitched up slightly at Hajime’s name calling. “I know.”

—

Tooru was sitting in the library, squinting hard at an ancient book. He was bored, so, so bored, but his father and advisors had told him that he needed to read up on his history during his healing time. Tooru couldn't think of anything more boring than historical texts. He sighed, resting his forehead against the table he sat at. He gazed to the side, where one of the maids was dusting shelves. He suddenly had an idea.

“Excuse me,” He spoke up, instantly catching her attention.  
 “Oh, yes your highness?” She seemed surprised that he was speaking to her.

“I need a favor. Could you go to the stables and fetch Hajime for me? Tell him that I desperately require his assistance here.” He smiled at her charmingly, and the poor girl nearly swooned.

“Yes m’lord!” She didn’t seem to understand why the prince would need the stable boy in the library, but almost no one questioned the prince. She set down her duster and instantly left the library, but not before bowing slightly to Tooru. Tooru turned back to the book, a playful smile tugging at his lips. His body buzzed with anticipation as he waited for Hajime to come to him.

Meanwhile, Hajime was rushing up to the library. He almost got lost in the castle, as he usually didn’t just meander through the halls. He usually went anywhere that Tooru dragged him. He made it to the library, some minor worrying bubbling under his skin. He was disappointed to find Tooru sitting at a table, an overly amused grin on his stupidly pretty face. Once he was sure no one else was around, Hajime frowned at him, “What the hell did you need so badly?” He walked over to the table.

Tooru couldn’t help but laugh, “Hajime, were you worried about me?” He batted his eyelashes, and Hajime resisted the urge to smack his head. “Thank you for rushing to my side in my time of need.” Damn Tooru and his ridiculous personality.

Hajime raised a sharp eyebrow, “Time of need?”

Nodding, Tooru explained. “Yes, Hajime, because you see, I am stuck here, being bored to the brink of my own demise.” He raised a hand to his forehead like a maiden would when fainting.

“So what you’re saying is… I’m to entertain you.” Hajime’s voice was flat, and it made Tooru positively giddy. He was practically squirming he was so pleased with himself. Playing with Hajime had to be his absolute favorite thing in the whole world. He loved to push his buttons.

“What else are we friends for?” 

Hajime’s will broke, and he flicked Tooru in the forehead, which made the prince pout. Hajime shifted his weight from one hip to the other, huffing. “Do you want to practice sword fighting? But! Only if you take it easy.” He asked, and Tooru instantly perked up, putting his book away and dragging Hajime with him by his hand. Hajime glanced down at Tooru’s fingers wrapped around his for a second. That was probably weird, and people in the castle halls gave them strange looks, but Tooru didn’t seem to mind at all.

They made it to the small practice ring, where they practice for a couple of hours, until Hajime decided he was too tired. Tooru seemed like he didn’t want to quit. He had an odd look on his face when they stopped, and it was so subtle that Hajime wasn’t sure if he saw anything at all. Hajime decided to not press him.

—

When Tooru was fifteen, the king took him on his first hunting trip. They were accompanied by a couple knights. 

“I want Hajime to come along.” Tooru told his father, pouting stubbornly, arms crossed.

The king gave him a stern look, “It’s not his place. I know you are friends, but,”

“But nothing! He won’t get in the way. I want him to come with us.” Tooru uncrossed his arms and put his hands on his hips. The king looked at him for another moment, and then sighed with a roll of his eyes. 

“Fine. Go fetch him then.” Tooru grinned, thanking his father as he turned on his heel to run off. As he left, he heard his father mutter something about being just like his mother.

Tooru ran all the way to the servant’s house, walking right in and knocking on Hajime’s bedroom door. He’d only been there a couple of times. “Hajime!” He shouted, knocking on the door. He was too excited. The other servants looked at him curiously.   
 After standing there and beating on the door for a minute, Hajime yanked it open. He was only in his under pants. “Damn it, didn’t you ever learn to have some patience?” He was frowning, but Tooru was absolutely gleaming.

“Make yourself decent, Hajime. You’re going hunting with us.” Tooru explained as he walked into Hajime’s room, shutting the door behind him. He suddenly looked at Hajime, realizing just how undressed he was. He wasn’t sure if he’d seen his friend so naked. Hajime was really muscular, and Tooru envied that a bit; he had always been slender.

“Hunting?” Hajime asked, yanking on his pants, also yanking Tooru back to the real world.

Tooru nodded, “Mmhmm! I demanded that I bring you along and my father couldn’t say no.” Tooru grinned like he’d managed some impossible feat.

Hajime rolled his eyes, “All you have to do to get anything from your father is bat your eyes at him. Why did you want me to come along anyway? I don’t know how to hunt.” Hajime told him, pulling on his shirt.

“Hmm, well I’ll teach you, but don’t cry if you can’t hit a deer.” Tooru taunted, not answering the question. Hajime swung at him, but he dodged, laughing. Once Hajime’s boots were tied, Tooru dragged him out of his room by his hand. Tooru had done this so much that Hajime didn’t even frown about it anymore. Tooru’s long fingers were always warm around his own, no matter what time of the year.

Back at the stables, Tooru was pleased when he saw Hajime’s horse packed up with supplies. They each had weapons, except Hajime wasn’t given a sword. No one knew that Tooru had taught him how to use one. Even so, Hajime had a dagger and a bow, and he could shoot well enough. They departed to the woods, Hajime and Tooru riding side by side. At first, the knights surround them somewhat made Hajime feel shy, but Tooru was talking to him like they weren’t there at all.

Hajime knew that he had to watch his tongue, he couldn’t insult Tooru like normal around the other men.

When they got to the campsite, they set up their tents. “I want to share a tent with Hajime,” Tooru told his father loudly. Of course, the king didn’t say no. Hajime helped set the tents up, learning the proper way to set the parts so that the tent wouldn’t collapse under the wind. Once their camp was finished, they unloaded their horses, leaving only their hunting supplies strapped to the saddles. Tooru was sitting on a tree stump, plucking the string of his bow with a bored look on his face.

When Hajime walked up to him, Tooru glanced up, “Hajime, perfect timing. My bow was just informing me how much of a half-wit you are!” He taunted, plucking the string by his ear. Hajime scowled at him, eye wanting to twitch.

“You’re the half-wit, you stinking heap of waste.” Hajime whisper-yelled, not wanting to be overheard.   
 Tooru’s lips dramatically dipped down at the corners, “You don’t know how that hurts me, Hajime.”

“Oh it’s going to hurt you soon enough.” Hajime replied, showing Tooru his fist. Tooru cracked a smile, and Hajime’s irritation faded almost instantly. Tooru knew that Hajime would never actually want to fight him. They were best friends, and Tooru just happened to love to agitate Hajime. Hajime, in turn, would get irritated, but it was an empty emotion.

Before they could say much more, they were told to get back on their horses, as they were leaving to hunt. Tooru had to be quiet then, and Hajime thanked the gods for that. After Tooru shot a buck, one of the other knights taught Hajime how to handle the body. It was a bit gruesome, but he managed.

By the time they were done, it was nearly sunset, and Tooru had shot his buck and a rabbit. Hajime had a duck, and a rabbit too. Rabbits seemed to be easy targets. Back at the campsite, the men took to cleaning the meat, skinning the animals and packing up their products. Tooru and Hajime watched to learn. They cooked a little for them to eat for dinner.

Inside their tent, Tooru and Hajime changed into sleep shirts. It was warm, so they didn’t need their pants. They laid shoulder to shoulder again, just like they had on the roof a while back, only this time they couldn’t see the stars.

“Thank you for coming with me.” Tooru said quietly. He wasn’t even sure if Hajime was awake, he just wanted to say so.

“Of course.” Hajime replied, reading the tone of Tooru’s voice. He was feeling insecure again. After another moment, Tooru shifted closer to Hajime, rolling onto his side. He clutched Hajime’s arm, hiding his face in Hajime’s neck. “Uh. Are you all right?” Hajime asked, being very still. He had been used to Tooru’s touches, but this was different. He couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong.

“I’m fine. Just…” Tooru sighed, “Night time is hard. My thoughts are too loud.” He summed up. At night, all of his insecurities blossomed in the dark. They crawled over his brain and broke unto his thoughts, and they wouldn’t go away. He could feel them then, blooming behind his eyes as he stared into the darkness. Though, tonight he wasn’t alone. Tonight, he didn’t have to cry because he had Hajime. Hajime’s arm was firm with muscles, and it was generally nice. He was warm.

“Mm. I get that.” Hajime hummed. “Here,” He murmured, shifting his body so that they were laying the same way, Hajime’s front pressed all along Tooru’s back. His arms curled around the prince’s waist, holding him close. Hajime’s nose rested at the base of Tooru’s neck. Brown hair tickled his forehead, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t even mind the slightly musky scent.

Tooru had never felt more comfortable, and he was sure that he’d never slept so good in his life.

—

One evening, Tooru snuck out, just after sunset, right after dinner, where he’d snuck a little too much wine. He wasn’t drunk, but his throat felt warm. He went to the practice area, finding the wooden sword that he liked to use. He pulled out a couple of the straw dummies, starting to swing at them. It started as stress relief. His father had questioned him about his responsibilities, about his friendship with Hajime, about his training, and it left Tooru feeling irritated.   
 As he practiced, though, his irritation melted into his insecurity, swing after swing breaking away his confident exterior. He imagined one dummy to be Tobio, who was still showing to be a “genius,” swinging wildly. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been at it, maybe hours. His body ached from the strain, and he’d already worked hard enough to make himself loose his dinner. His knee sort of throbbed, too. 

The moon was high in the sky when he finally stopped, out of breath. He kicked the dummy with a curse, throwing the sword down as well. His eyes burned with the familiar sting of tears. He sank down into the dirt, hiding his face in his knees.

Sometimes, all of Tooru’s self loathing unraveled at once. Sometimes he really, really hated himself. A tear slid down his cheek, and he thought of how pathetic he was. He was a prince, and yet here he was, crying in the dirt over his mediocrity. The wine-warmth was gone from his chest, replaced with icy contempt.

Hajime was outside, too, trying to find the source of the noises he’d woken up to. He didn’t know what time it was, but he’d gone to bed a while ago. He walked around with a lantern, one of the hunting dogs with him, just in case it happened to be an intruder. He faintly heard hiccuping, and realized belatedly it was a sound of crying. He squinted through the dim light of the lantern, following the sound. As he walked up to the practice circle, Hajime saw a shape huddled in the dirt. “Hello? Who’s there?” He called out.

Tooru flinched. He knew that voice. “It’s me, Hajime.” He said softly. He didn’t know if Hajime could hear him, but as Hajime approached, he recognized him.

“Tooru?” Hajime rushed over, tying the dog to a fence post. “Hey- what happened? Are you hurt?” Hajime’s eyebrows were pressed together in worry.

Tooru laughed coldly, wiping his cheeks, “No, Hajime, unfortunately this tantrum is a result of how worthless I am.” He tried to speak in his usual haughty tone, but his voice just warbled with his tears. Hajime knelt beside him, setting the lantern down. He fished his handkerchief out of his pocket, handing it to Tooru.

“Don’t say things like that.” Hajime said quietly, frowning.

Tooru rolled his eyes, “I was raised to not lie, Hajime.” He wiped his nose as a uncontrolled breath hiccuped through him.

Hajime’s teeth clenched together, and he grabbed Tooru’s collar. For some reason, he was suddenly angry. “Quit it with that bull shit, you complete and utter ass!” He exclaimed. Tooru looked at him, shock in his wide, wet, brown eyes. “You… You are not worthless, I mean. It’s not just because you’re a prince, but you are actually good at these things you think you’re terrible at. You’re really fucking good at fighting, but just because you’re not the best doesn’t mean you’re worthless. You’re never going to go into battle by yourself.” 

Hajime unloaded, tone brash and angry, and all Tooru could do was stare in wonder. Hajime had never spoken to him like that, not so seriously. “You’ll always have someone with you to support you, even as king you’ll have supporters and your head knight and all that.” Hajime tried to soften his voice, realizing he’d kind of lost it just then. He took a deep breath and licked his lips. “I don’t think you’re worthless.” He concluded, gazing down to the dirt as he released his grip on Tooru’s collar.

Tooru’s shock wore off and his eyes were newly wet. As his face crumpled, large tears slipped from his eyes. “I’m sorry Hajime, I’m sorry.” He reached for his friend, wrapping arms around his shoulders, hiding his wet face in Hajime’s neck. “I’m sorry, I get it now,” He blubbered.

Hajime sighed, bringing his arms around Tooru’s back. One hand gently stroked up and down, “It’s fine… Just, don’t beat yourself up so much.” Hajime mumbled. He didn’t know how to be supportive. He just wanted Tooru to quit making those awful crying noises. 

They sat there in the dirt for some time. Hajime’s neck was wet from Tooru’s eyes. He kept talking, telling Tooru just how amazing he really was. He probably repeated himself a couple times, as he was running out of new things to say. Finally, Tooru leaned back, wiping his cheeks.

“Careful Hajime,” He snickered, but it had no edge because of his wet and puffy eyes and his stuffy nose. “Someone might think you’re in love with me if you talk like that.” 

Hajime pinched Tooru’s cheeks hard. “Don’t jest like that. Get back inside before someone finds you missing, you prick.” Tooru yelped in pain, slapping Hajime’s hands away.

“Come with me.” Tooru said suddenly, rubbing his cheeks where they were now red. He was gazing up at Hajime with those pink and sad eyes.

“Huh? Where?” Hajime asked. He absently wiped at the moisture on his neck.

“To my room. Stay with me tonight.” Tooru explained with a know-it-all tone, like Hajime was supposed to just know he was being invited to his bedroom. Under that tone, though, was a more urgent and pleading feel. “Please?”

“Your room? I mean… I couldn’t. It’s… Not my place.” Hajime told him, but Tooru’s face was making it hard to say no.

Tooru sighed, standing up. After he brushed the dirt off of his body, he grabbed Hajime’s hand. “That’s never mattered to us before. It’s just my room. It’s not my throne.” He huffed, and all other arguments died in Hajime’s brain, allowing himself to be dragged up to the northwest tower of the castle after he put up the dog. He noticed Tooru’s slight limp.

“Does your knee hurt?” Hajime asked softly.

Tooru shook his head stubbornly.

Hajime had never been to Tooru’s room, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. He almost expected everything to be golden and his bedsheets to be silk. Tooru quietly opened his door and pulled him in, shutting it silently behind them. Hajime had been right about silk sheets, but everything seemed a bit normal. Tooru had paintings on the wall, heavy curtains over the windows. His bed was large. There was a harp in the corner, and Hajime wondered for a second if Tooru knew how to play.

Tooru disappeared to his closet and came back with a couple night shirts. The two changed, and Tooru got into his bed first. He held the blanket up for Hajime, who joined him after a moment of hesitation. Instantly, they snuggled close, just like they had months ago at the hunting camp. This time, Tooru and Hajime faced each other, Hajime’s strong arms cocooning around the prince.

Tooru wondered if Hajime would always be able to fix his broken heart. It seemed to be so. Hajime was rough, but Tooru was one of the few that got to know just how big his heart actually was. Time and time again, Hajime was there to make Tooru feel better.

Tooru couldn’t ask for a better friend, he thought as he nuzzled into Hajime’s warm neck again. This time it was better because he wasn’t crying anymore, and Hajime’s breaths lulled him with ease.

Hajime still laid awake, one arm moving slightly up and down to stroke Tooru’s back. He felt strange, almost too hot. He could smell Tooru’s skin, noticing a particularly nice scent that he couldn’t figure out a name to, some sort of fragrance Tooru must have used. Hajime sighed through his nose, willing himself to stop thinking about it. He wanted to sleep. Tooru’s crying had worn him out.

In the morning, Tooru and Hajime slept through the knock on the door. As such, Tooru’s bedchamber gentleman entered to wake him, as was his duty. “Your highness, it is time to rise.” He called out, drawing the curtain that covered the small window on the wall. The man walked over to the bed, “Your highness?” He spoke again, and this time Tooru stirred. 

His arms stretched, and he remembered that he was not alone in bed. Hajime, who laid beside him, was waking as well. Tooru opened his eyes and sat up, meeting the confused gaze of his servant. The servant opened his mouth to question why Hajime was there, but then he shut his mouth. As he should, since he didn’t have the authority to question the prince. 

When Hajime was fully awake, he hastily got out of bed, just barely escaping Tooru’s grabbing hands. He wanted Hajime to stay, but he just couldn’t. Not with another person in the room. He felt a twist of anxiety. He could get into serious trouble, and Tooru seemed to be momentarily forgetting that.

“Your highness, I have your clothing prepared in the dressing room.” The bedchamber gentleman said, finally finding some words. Tooru yawned, seeming completely unbothered by the situation.

“All right, all right.” He slid out of bed, giving Hajime a long glance before leading his servant into an attached room. 

Hajime didn’t know what to make of that glance. He dressed quickly, and soon left the prince’s room, sneaking out so he wouldn’t be seen by another person.

When Tooru returned to his bedroom, dressed, he felt a little disappointed to see that Hajime had left. The sheets on his bed had been pulled back into place, pillows arranged correctly. He sighed. His hands and shoulders were sore, maybe even blistered from the night before. Tooru knew it was foolish, he shouldn’t have done all of that practice. His knee still ached too, and he kept walking unevenly to avoid pressure.

After breakfast, Tooru was summoned to the king’s office chamber. “You called for me father?” Tooru asked as he was escorted into the room. The king glanced up, folding away the letter he had been reading.

“Ah yes. I have a question for you.” He said. Tooru’s eyebrow lifted. 

“Yes?”

There was an awkward silence, and Tooru suddenly felt particularly uncomfortable. “There’s no other way to ask than to be frank. Are you being indecent with the Iwaizumi boy? I know he and you are close friends, but-,”

“No! Absolutely not!” Tooru felt his neck heat up. He couldn’t believe his father was timidly accusing him of sodomy. “Hajime… Hajime and I are not like that, not at all. He is my friend, and that is all.”

The king nodded thoughtfully. “Be calm. I wasn’t fully convinced but I thought I would ask.” He ran a hand over his beard. “Just be careful. Many people do not appreciate mixing of the classes. I might suggest you spend less time with him.”

Tooru shook his head, nearly frantically. “I’m sorry, but I refuse, father. In fact,” Tooru took a deep breath, “I want Hajime to be my new gentleman of the bedchamber. My current one can teach him, and then it will be less odd for him and I to be around each other.”

The king seemed to ponder that, “Well, you can’t just simply expel your current servant.”

“I’m sure there’s another place for him.” Tooru insisted, crossing his arms. He gave his father an intense look.

After a moment, his father sighed. “You look so much like your mother when you stare at me like that.” The way he said it made Tooru’s resolve soften a little. He knew he’d won. “I’ll see what can be arranged.” The king finally said.

Tooru grinned the biggest grin he had in months, “Thank you father.” He dipped his head a little before turning on his heel to find Hajime.

He started running down the halls, but found that irritated his knee too much, so instead he walked fast, slipping past people who kept getting in his way to greet him formally. He first checked Hajime’s room, but found it empty, so then he went to the stables. Sure enough, he found Hajime sitting on his dark horse, braiding her mane with an unreadable expression.

“Hajime! I have fantastic news!” Tooru exclaimed, and Hajime flinched. 

Hajime looked at Tooru, noticing that his knee was bandaged up again. “What’s the news?” He asked, barely moving his lips.

“You’re going to be my new bedchamber gentleman.” Tooru said smugly, sticking his tongue out. “And my father also tried to accuse us of sodomy, but that’s a minor detail.” Tooru waved a hand flippantly.   
 Hajime gawked at him, “Sodomy? Seriously?” He groaned. “Wait. What about the other gentleman?”

Tooru shrugged, walking closer to Hajime’s horse, scratching her chin. “He’ll be switched to a different position.”

Hajime’s eyebrows pulled together, and his lips were pursued. Tooru was smiling. “Well… If you insist.” Hajime submitted. Somehow, he couldn’t say no to Tooru’s smile. “How’s your knee?” He asked, getting off of his horse.

Tooru’s expression wavered for a split second, “Er, more or less fine. A little achy.” He waved it off like it was nothing.

Hajime sighed, “Idiot.” He flicked Tooru’s forehead. He whined annoyingly in response. 

The boys spent a bit of time just talking, and eventually Hajime went to rubbing Tooru’s back and shoulders, since they were aching. “You’re _sooooo_ good at this, Hajime,” Tooru told him. His body felt like jelly under Hajime’s firm hands. Hajime’s thumbs were working on a knot in Tooru’s shoulder.

Hajime rubbed a certain way, and Tooru couldn’t stop the moan that blurted out of his mouth. “Keep doing that,” He managed, a little embarrassed. Hajime complied, just focused on making Tooru comfortable.

“Hey,” Hajime started, fingers sneaking up Tooru’s neck to massage there as well. “Are you feeling better?” He asked deliberately, not knowing how else to ask without Tooru responding sarcastically. 

Tooru was gazing at his lap, wiggling his fingers around, “Well… I do, and I don’t at the same time.” He sighed as Hajime’s fingers moved up further, nails gently scratching at his scalp. “I’m happy that we are friends, even if you are completely clod-brained.” Tooru teased, leaning back into Hajime’s hands. Hajime gently tugged on a lock of brown hair as punishment.

“You’re the clod-brained one here.” He frowned, still working his fingers through Tooru’s hair. It was ridiculously soft.

Humming, Tooru shrugged, “Perhaps I am.” His eyes were closed and there was a manufactured smile on his lips.

“Tooru.” Hajime’s voice was stern.

“Yes mother?” Tooru quipped, glancing over his shoulder, shooting Hajime his playful grin. It was thin, but it wasn’t entirely fake.

“Shut it.” Hajime grumbled in submission, hands returning to Tooru’s shoulders again. Tooru was humming quietly, and Hajime decided that was a sign that he was feeling all right emotionally. 

He didn’t think things would be fixed over night, but he strongly hoped that he would never have to see Tooru so broken again. The memory of it was still stark in Hajime’s mind, how Tooru’s face, that pretty face, twisted up in such pain, a pain much deeper than his knee would ever cause.

Hajime hadn’t even noticed, but it was like he promised himself that he would never let Tooru hurt like that again.

—

Hajime got a new room with his new position. His chamber was attached to Tooru’s through a stairway, designed so that the bedchamber gentleman could easily access his prince. It was small, just like his other room, not that he minded. Tooru’s previous bedchamber gentleman told Hajime what his duties were. They seemed relatively simple.

Hajime was to wake Tooru every morning, serve him his meals when he ate in private, prepare his baths, and receive and deliver his messages. All of that, plus anything else Tooru desired from him. Hajime internally groaned at that, knowing that Tooru would constantly have him doing all sorts of ridiculous things. He made sure to pay attention to the other man’s notes, small details of how Tooru liked things. For an example, Tooru preferred his bathwater to be hotter than other people could usually stand.

That same day, Tooru chose to have dinner in his private quarters. Hajime brought him food and wine, like he was supposed to. Tooru just grinned at him from his table, “Ah, thank you Hajime.” Tooru purred, lips curled up in that way that meant he was enjoying himself. Hajime just stood there, a bit awkward. Tooru finally noticed and waved a hand at him, “Oh sit down, would you? It’s not like you’re going to be hung on sight for dining with me.” He pouted.

Hajime sat, relaxing then. Everything was still the same. He watched Tooru, barely listening to him talk about his day. Hajime realized that Tooru was pretty; he had a pleasing face, so it was no wonder why all of the ladies were infatuated with him. He had a certain light in his brown eyes when he talked about something he liked.

“Hajime?” Tooru cut in, grabbing Hajime’s attention again.

“Hm?”

“You… Were actually smiling.” Tooru told him, mild bewilderment in his voice. Hajime blushed, pushing his lips into a pout. He’d been smiling like an idiot and he hadn’t even known. “Hajime you should smile more.” Tooru told him, after he finished another bite. “If you do, you may even win a maiden’s heart.” He winked at Hajime.

“Shut your mouth,” Hajime barked, nudging Tooru’s shin under the table. Tooru knew better than anyone that Hajime didn’t have an eye for ladies. To him, they were just _there_. Beautiful, yes, but in the same way that a sunset behind the mountains would be. He wondered if there was a lady that Tooru admired, but then he knew that was impossible. Tooru would have told him. 

When Tooru was through with dinner, Hajime took away his dishes. “Uh, bath?” Hajime asked. 

Tooru was humming, and he ran his fingers through his hair, “Tomorrow night.” He said. “Would you rub my shoulders again before I retire?” He batted his eyelashes at Hajime, who just sighed in defeat.

—

In the weeks that passed, Hajime grew to know Tooru more intimately than he had before. He learned that the prince was typically cranky when woken abruptly; the best way to wake him was by gently rubbing his shoulder or walking in with a hot breakfast. Hajime also was subjected to a completely new degree of Tooru’s clinginess. More than once, the sleepy prince had yanked Hajime down into his bed, cuddling him close.

“Did you do this with your other servant?” Hajime finally asked one morning, Tooru’s face was buried in his neck.

“Oh heavens. Of course not. That man wouldn’t stand closer than a foot away from me unless absolutely necessary.” Tooru’s voice was mumbled, but his breath was hot and humid against Hajime’s skin.

Somehow, Hajime felt relieved to know that. Why he had felt jealous, he didn’t know. He nuzzled into Tooru’s hair. “Right. Anyway, you need to get out of bed.” Tooru whined, a very un-princely sound, and clutched to Hajime’s chest.

After more coaxing, a couple threats, and finally a promise to ride through the woods later, Tooru was out of bed, dressed, and set to do his daily things. 

Later, on their ride, the two stopped for a break at a small lake. Their horses were tied to a tree nearby. Hajime crouched by the edge of the lake, dipping his hands in to splash cool water onto his face. Tooru walked over to the bank, squatting next to him. Hajime looked over his shoulder, and Tooru noticed the small beads of water that clung to Hajime’s eyelashes and eyebrows. 

Up close and in the natural light of the sun, Tooru noticed that Hajime had slight freckles on his dark skin. He subconsciously registered that as cute, but quickly turned his head away. He gazed at the water, at their rippled reflection. He and Hajime were very different. For some reason, Tooru felt a twist of guilt. “Hajime,” He started. “Do… Do you enjoy being my friend?” He asked quietly.

Hajime looked at Tooru, confusion making a line on his forehead, “What kind of a question is that? Of course I do.” He told him.

Tooru bit his lip, eyeing the reflected image of his crown in the water. “I wasn’t sure. Sometimes I feel like you do these things to appease me, since I am the prince.” He’s mumbling. Suddenly, Hajime’s hand was in Tooru’s hair, shaking his head.

“You know that in all of our years of knowing each other, I’ve never given you special treatment because of your title. I like you, Tooru. You’re my best friend.” Hajime told him frankly.

Tooru felt a bit breathless. “You’re my best friend, too, Hajime.” He smiled. “You know, you may be harsh and a brute sometimes, but you really are a good person.” Tooru told him, smiling.

Hajime rolled his eyes, “Shut it.”

“You are though!” Tooru insisted, grabbing Hajime’s muscled arm.

Hajime blushed, “I’m nothing special… I’m just _me._ ” He shrugged. Tooru wasn’t happy with that answer, but instead of a verbal retort, he splashed a bit of water at his friend. Hajime splashed back with irritation, laughing when Tooru made a girlish sound, nearly falling over to avoid the water.

After a bit more messing around, the pair got back on their horses. Before they rode off, Tooru looked over his shoulder. “You’re special to me, Hajime.” He said seriously, gaze averted to the ground.

Hajime felt an odd warmth spread in his chest. He couldn’t think of a reply.

—

Winter was approaching, and the kingdom was preparing for the cold weather, stockpiling food, wine, and other resources that would be relatively scarce in the months when farming would be difficult. Tooru was summoned to his father’s study after breakfast, and he was sure it was to discuss winter planning or something else that Tooru didn’t care for.

“Hello, father.” Tooru greeted, bowing as he entered the room.

“Ah yes, Tooru.” The king bid him in. “I must inform you of some plans for spring. You and I will be traveling as soon as the snow clears. We will likely not return for a year. We will be passing through many neighboring kingdoms to discuss treaties and policies. As next for the throne, you are to accompany me through all of this.”

“For an entire year? Who will be traveling with us?” Tooru asked nervously.

“We will have the head knight, as well as two others, and my chancellor. All of the places we will visit will supply all of the other staff so that we may travel lightly.” Tooru opened his mouth to speak, but the king rose his hand. “I know what you are about to ask of me, and I apologize, but there is no room for Hajime on the trip. It would be unbecoming to have to adjust plans with the other kings now, not to mention that it would require much more supplies for us.”

Tooru’s heart sank. “Yes, father.” He ignored everything else his father told him of the trip, excusing himself when the king was through.

An entire year without Hajime. Tooru wanted to cry just thinking about it, which felt rather foolish. He walked quickly up to his bed chamber, kicking off his boots and crawling into his bed, laying on his side. He felt heavy, burdened. He sulked and traced the embroidered lines on his silk sheets.

Some time later, Hajime came to the bed room. “Tooru?” The prince merely grunted in response. “Are you all right? Is it your knee?” Hajime asked as he walked quickly up to the bed.

Tooru glanced at him and then back down at the blanket, “My knee is all right.”

Hajime shifted uncomfortably. There was an anxious feeling in his stomach as he sat beside Tooru on the bed. “What happened?” He pressed.

Tooru sat up, resting his forehead on Hajime’s shoulder. “In the spring… My father and I will be traveling. He’s already said that you can not come along.”

Hajime frowned, rubbing Tooru’s back like it was instinct, “Well… How long will you be gone?” He still felt anxious, feeding off of Tooru’s sullen mood.

“A whole year, Hajime.” Tooru told him quietly.

Hajime’s throat went dry. “That’s… A while.” Tooru just nodded. Hajime suddenly felt the urge to cry. He wouldn’t, but the feeling was in his eyes. A whole year without Tooru to confide in, to act foolish with, to laugh with. Suddenly, Hajime was aware of how he didn’t have any one else in his life. He had his father, of course, but he was turning old. “We… We could write each other.” Hajime told him.

Tooru looked up, “You know how to read and write?” He asked this seriously, not sarcastically.

Hajime nodded, “My father taught me as a child.” Tooru nodded. Hajime still wasn’t completely appeased though. Tooru gave him purpose. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you irritating me all day.” He tried to smear a joke over it, but he knows that Tooru will pick up on what he means.

“I know.” Tooru sighs, “I don’t know what I will do either. I may go mad.”

That night, Tooru slept in Hajime’s strong arms. His face was nuzzled in the space between Hajime’s shoulder and neck, where it was warm. Hajime smelled a bit like hay, like he must have been in the stables earlier, probably assisting his father. They were both on their sides, facing each other, legs tangled with each other’s. Tooru didn’t want to be anywhere else. He still felt burdened by the upcoming months, but right in that moment, he knew that he had Hajime to confide in, to comfort him with loyal arms.

Through the winter months, Tooru and Hajime were almost always together, only separating at times when they had to for custom’s sake. Even though it was cold, they still went for rides, practiced their sword fighting together, and ate dinner together in the prince’s chamber. They even found time for a snow fight.

Christmas was a long week of lengthly Masses and several banquets. Tooru, of course, drank too much.

The winter was hard on the kingdom, but they managed. They had enough food to last, and extra stores of wine and rum. There were a few frozen nights and some damaged crops, but all in all, the losses were minor.

Tooru wanted this winter to last forever, though. He was sixteen and had spent a good portion of his life with Hajime, and now they were going to be pulled apart. As if it were possible, Tooru got even clingier. He noticed that Hajime was getting more physically attached as well. They spent almost every night with each other, pressed together in Tooru’s bed. Some nights, they stayed up talking, staring into the darkness of the bedroom.

“Hajime, have you ever been in love?” Tooru asked, after a night of too much wine. They weren’t drunk, perhaps a little tipsy, but not drunk. Tooru’s throat was warm but he didn’t feel quite so unsteady. His head was resting on Hajime’s chest, right above his heart. His free arm was draped over Hajime’s waist, long legs bent like a snare around one of Hajime’s.

“Love?” Hajime repeated. He thought for a moment and then shrugged. “No, I don’t think I have.” Hajime had drank with the prince, but since he wasn’t as used to it, he was feeling more inebriated. He wasn’t totally drunk, but some of his words were slipping. “Have… Have you been in love?” He asked back.

Tooru hummed, lifting his free hand to gently trace over Hajime’s chest, fingertips feather light, “Absolutely not.” And he hadn’t. First, he’d never had time to get close to a possible love interest. There weren’t hardly any local noble ladies, and visiting princesses were always a bit hard to get close to. That, and all of Tooru’s free time was spent with Hajime. Tooru grinned, even though he knew Hajime couldn’t see him, “I don’t need a lover when I have you, Hajime.” He giggled, squeezing Hajime with his arm.

Hajime laughed, “Piss off. I’m sure you’ll find some woman while you’re galavanting around the country.” Hajime stopped laughing, suddenly hit with the realization that he really… Didn’t want that to happen. He couldn’t think straight, so he couldn’t quite place _why_ he felt like that, he simply did.

“Hmmm… Doubtful. I’ll be too busy loathing every second of the trip to worry about ladies.” Tooru huffed, exhaling against Hajime’s chest. His breath was warm and had the sharp scent of wine to it. “Hajime, don’t you dare fall in love without me.” He said sternly, craning his neck up to frown at his friend.

“I promise,” Hajime told Tooru, drawing out the vowel in the word. He reached up, patting Tooru’s head, urging it back down to his chest. Hajime suddenly felt a bit sleepy, and his eyes wanted to droop shut. He adjusted slightly, turning onto his side, cuddling Tooru to his chest as he yawned.

“Goodnight, Hajime.” Tooru whispered, closing his eyes. The scent of dry wine filled his senses until he didn’t quite smell it anymore. 

That night, Hajime snored in Tooru’s face, and Tooru was sure to tell him all about it in the morning as they dressed. Hajime, a bit hung over, frowned at Tooru, “Yeah, yeah.” He shrugged Tooru’s whining off. Hajime didn’t usually snore, so he blamed it on being drunk. “Besides, _you_ chose to sleep in my face. I don’t make you share the bed with me.” Hajime told him, sticking his tongue out as he pulled a clean top on.

Tooru was yanking on some bottoms, but he was also pouting. Hajime had got him. “Anyway… I have to shadow my father today, listen to subjects.” Tooru sighed, slouching a bit. Tooru didn’t like assisting with the king’s duties. Most of the citizens’ complaints were trivial or mostly unfixable, and they always would try to convince them to do something through guilt. Tooru had to sit beside his father and not look bored while they did this. Usually, they would see people until after lunch.

Once Tooru was dressed and his hair combed, he put on his crown and his boots. Hajime brought him some breakfast, and after that Tooru was called away to the throne room, the place where they would take complaints and issues into consideration. The king was already in the room, a long sheet of parchment beside him to make notes as need be.

“Good morning father,” Tooru bid, walking up to his seat. 

“Good morning my son. Sleep well?” The king asked, running a hand over his beard.

Tooru leaned against the back of his seat, stretching his shoulders. “Mmmm, if only Haj-,” Tooru stopped himself. He probably shouldn’t admit to sharing a bed with Hajime on a regular basis. “If only Hajime would have let me rest a little longer.” He sighed, hoping that was a smooth cover up.

The king just chuckled, “I am glad that he is stern with you and doesn’t let you always do as you please.”

Tooru just groaned, but righted himself quickly as their first patron entered the room with a low bow.

They heard people for several hours, and Tooru’s back was beginning to ache and his cheeks hurt from plastering on his smile for them. When they were through, Tooru ate lunch with his father. Again, the king brought up their upcoming trip. It would be sooner than Tooru had anticipated since the weather was already turning warmer. Tooru didn’t say much in response to the topic. His mood was entirely soured.

As soon as he could, Tooru slipped away. He made it out to the sword fighting practice area. There was a group of young pages being taught the basics. Tooru watched for a moment, feeling a wave of nostalgia as he stood there. It didn’t last long though, as he was soon seen by the group, and they all bowed to formally greet him. Tooru pulled his lips up, bidding them a hello before he decided to go somewhere else. He didn’t want an audience.

Tooru sulked off to the stables, feeling mildly disappointed to not find Hajime there. Even so, he dressed his horse and got on, deciding to take a ride through the woods. His horse trotted happily down the path, and Tooru just happened to notice that his horse’s mane had a couple tiny braids through it. Tooru smiled to himself, knowing who had fixed the little twists of hair. After a moment, Tooru sighed, slouching a bit as his horse walked on. He didn’t want to leave their kingdom, not without his best friend.

Hajime was inside the castle, taking care of Tooru’s bedroom. There was some cleaning to do, clothing to be laundered. He fixed the bed with fresh sheets, fluffed up his - _their_ \- pillows, setting them in place neatly. It seemed a bit useless, since Tooru would just come in and mess it all up anyway. As Hajime folded some clothing, he realized suddenly that soon he wouldn’t have to do that save for his own laundry. He sighed through his nose, and put the clothing away. He would just have to make the best of the next couple of weeks with Tooru.

They did more things together during those weeks. They tossed a ball back and forth sometimes, lightheartedly practiced some sword fighting, and they took their horses out for more rides through the woods. They also continued to do the things they usually did like eat dinner together and sleep in the prince’s bed.

The night before the price would leave for the trip, the boys were laying on the roof of the stables, looking at the stars. The air was uncomfortably cold, as it was just barely spring, but neither of them cared. They didn’t talk for a while, simply leaning against each other and sighing back and forth.

Finally, Hajime said something. “I’ll miss you.” His voice was low and quiet. 

“Expressing your feelings, Hajime? How touching.” Tooru smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

Hajime elbowed him in the side, earning a startled yelp. “Tooru,” He muttered sternly, almost the same tone of voice he used to get the prince to get out of bed.

“Being so serious doesn’t suit us Hajime.” Tooru replied, words passing his lips like a sigh. He sounded tired to Hajime.

“You can’t jest your life away.” 

“Can so.”

“Will you promise me something?” Hajime asked suddenly, turning to look at Tooru. He couldn’t quite see him well, just the faintest glow of his face from the moon light.

Tooru looked back at him, “Depends on the promise.”

Hajime pursed his lips, “Promise me that while I’m not there to kick your arse into place that you won’t do anything… _Foolish_. You know what I mean.”

After a little hesitation, Tooru nodded, “I promise. But the same goes for you. I know how you can get sometimes. You’re just not as outwardly emotional as I am.”

Hajime pouted. Tooru knew him too well. “Sure.”

After a few more minutes, Tooru stretched, arms reaching out to the sky. “Let’s go back in, Hajime. I’m too cold out here.” Hajime agreed with him; the nippy air had given him goosebumps. The two carefully maneuvered down the simple ladder and walked back into the castle. The halls were chilly and almost entirely empty, as it was late at night. Hajime noticed, belatedly, that Tooru was leading him by the hand, fingers wrapped around Hajime’s.

They got into Tooru’s bed, but neither could shake the odd tension between them. Something had already changed, and Tooru wasn't even gone yet. Hajime slept on his side, Tooru pressed to his back, arms curved around his torso. Tooru’s cheek was pressed against the base of Hajime’s neck, and his sleep breaths tickled the hair at Hajime’s nape. It was nice, though. Hajime felt at home, and he drifted easily to sleep.

Tooru was, surprisingly, the first of the two to wake. “Hajime,” He yawned, stretching against his friend. “It’s morning.” He murmured, snuggling against Hajime’s back after he finished stretching. “Haaaaajime,” Tooru cooed, sleepily trying to wake him.

Eventually, Hajime grunted and rolled away from Tooru. He sat up, rubbing groggily at his face and eyes. He looked over at Tooru who was doing the same to his face, but as he was laying. Hajime couldn’t help but smirk at the prince’s disheveled appearance. Tooru was a hideous sleeper, and Hajime always taunted him for it. 

As they woke up more, though, their lighthearted mood evaporated like cool morning dew soaked up by the sun.

Hajime brought the prince’s breakfast up to his bedroom after they dressed. Tooru frowned as he ate, occasionally peeking up at Hajime with sad brown eyes. For some reason, Hajime’s throat felt tight, and he couldn’t find any sort of words to say. He was about to say something about Tooru finishing his plate when there was a knock on the door.

Hajime got up and opened it. A younger servant with spiky hair stood in front of him, “The king requests that Prince Tooru is ready to depart shortly after he finishes breakfast.” He told Hajime.

“He will be down to fetch his horse shortly.” Hajime told the younger boy. He simply nodded and turned back to whence he came. Hajime closed the door again, turning around. Tooru sat at the small breakfast table, cheek resting against a palm. Hajime felt worse, then. He didn’t like to see Tooru looking so dejected; it gave him flashbacks of sadder times, injured knees.

“It’s all right if you want to cry, Hajime. I won’t tell anyone.” Tooru said softly, and Hajime didn’t miss the break in his voice. He knew that tone, that raspiness. He knew that Tooru’s eyes must have pooled with tears just like his own, but how ridiculous could they get? Hajime sighed harshly, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“There’s no reason to cry. You’ll be back.” Hajime reasoned. He felt ridiculous, being sixteen and crying over his friend leaving for a year. He was too old for useless tears.

Tooru was looking at Hajime with blurry eyes. He’d always been emotional, crying easily. But now he was sitting, eyes filled to the brim with tears, a sob choked back in his throat. This crying felt entirely different. He dabbed at his eyes with a sleeve, taking a deep breath through his nose.

“I won’t get good sleep without you.” Tooru said, trying to force his voice into that light hearted tone. He smiled weakly.

Hajime rolled his eyes, “I’ll sleep better without your elbows digging into my spine.” Tooru smiled.

“I’m offended, Hajime. My sharp elbows are a blessing.” Tooru managed a light giggle. He felt a little better. He stood up, walking over to his best friend. He put his arms around Hajime’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. He was slightly reaching, as Hajime was still taller than he was. Hajime’s arms instantly wrapped around Tooru’s torso, like it was instinct. Hajime’s form felt comfortable against his, not awkward or forced like a lot of physical contact can be. He sighed, and after a moment his arms slipped away from Hajime. “I’ll write you. Often.”

Hajime nodded, “Yeah.”

Tooru knew he had to leave, then. He gave Hajime one more hug before he finally put his boots on. They had already decided that Hajime wouldn’t be there to see them off. 

This was their goodbye.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two! Continues on immediately from the last chapter, there is no break in time.

Tooru felt odd as he looked at his bedchamber. He wouldn’t be in that room for another year. Tooru finally willed himself to turn away and walk out, closing the door behind him. As he walked through the castle halls, Tooru figured he must have been making a face, as the servants who bowed to him also had concerned expressions. Tooru made himself smile. He’d practiced that enough for that grin to appease anyone, save for Hajime.

In the stables, the horses were already suited up and packed, Tooru’s horse among them. He walked up to her and scratched her chin, sighing. He felt like he wasn’t even breathing anymore; he was just sighing. 

“Ah, there you are.” The king was suddenly there, with his knights and chancellor in tow. “I thought I would have to pry you out of bed myself.” He laughed heartily. Tooru held his tongue, forcing a laugh in response. “It is time for us to depart. We head for Karasuno first.” Tooru’s father announced, mounting his horse. Tooru and the others did the same. Tooru knew that Karasuno was at least a month’s ride, but probably even longer for this trip. A couple of spare horses were packed with their camping supplies.

Leaving the castle grounds felt odd. Tooru’s stomach was uneasy; he wanted to turn back around. His horse treaded on, situated behind his father and between two knights. He’d been walking down the trail for not even a mile, and Tooru was ridiculously, painfully bored. He slouched sloppily, not really caring about propriety at that moment. His company didn’t seem to mind either. 

His father was chatting idly with his head knight. Tooru watched them interact and wondered if they were friends. They spoke casually, but the knight regarded the king as “my lord.” Tooru thought about all of the things Hajime has called him, rude and not. Of course, even the meanest sentiments were never spoken with true malice, even when Hajime said Tooru had a horse’s rear end for a face. Tooru smiled to himself, remembering how he’d laughed when Hajime said that. He remembered how Hajime laughed with him.

Tooru looked at the king and the knight again and wondered if they’d ever laughed so hard together that their eyes watered and their sides ached. He couldn’t picture it. He hummed softly to himself, absently combing his fingers through his horse’s mane. His mind kept wandering off to Hajime. What was he doing right now? Did he miss Tooru too? Tooru tried to think of anything else, hunting, sword fighting, knocking Tobio off of his jousting horse. He didn’t want to dwell on the idea of Hajime. Tooru figured it would just make him long for his company even more than he already did.

Over the following weeks, Tooru and Hajime both found themselves floating in a sense of normlessness. Hajime found himself with way too much free time and certainly too much silence. He didn’t have Tooru’s humming nor his general snide remarks to fill the air with. He only had himself, and the other servants he worked with. They would chat with him, but none of them really offered Hajime much.

There was a boy who was two years younger than him, Kindaichi, and often in the same areas as Hajime. He seemed to have a mild interest in Hajime, and often would try to talk to him, but their conversation was only ever skin deep. Hajime felt clouded over. 

“Say, Iwaizumi… I apologize if I am overstepping, but…” Kindaichi started one afternoon in the laundry space, “Are you feeling well? You seem out of sorts…” He seemed cautious.

Hajime looked at him, surprise clear on his face. “Eh? Sure… I’m feeling well enough.” He shrugged, taking a basket of clean and dry laundry from one of the ladies. Kindaichi took one as well, following Hajime to where the clothes and linens would be folded and sorted.

“Have you heard from Prince Tooru?” Kindaichi asked.

“I received one small letter so far.” Hajime shrugged. The letter had been fairly short, a couple sentences of Tooru bemoaning the trip and how much he missed Hajime.

“Ah, well that must be interesting.” Kindaichi smiled at Hajime. He smiled in return, mainly on instinct. 

“It can be. They should arrive any day now in Karasuno, if they have not already.” Hajime started a pile of cleaned aprons.

“Oh I heard Karasuno is somewhat small, yet beautiful. I’ve also heard that they have a lovely princess!” Kindaichi grinned, despite the fact that Hajime cared very little about princesses or women in general. “Do you think if Prince Tooru meets her that they will fall in love?”

Hajime’s arms froze, holding a thick piece of bedding in his hands. “The prince is not interested in love.” Hajime finally said, feeling suddenly irritated.

“Hmm… What about you, Iwaizumi? Is there a woman that you love?”

Hajime looked over at the younger boy, odd agitation under his skin. He wasn’t upset with Kindaichi, as he was just young and curious. This feeling was from something else, something that Hajime couldn’t explain. “I… No. I have never loved a woman. I have no idea what it’s like to be in love.”

“My father tells me about love sometimes. He says I’m to be married in the next couple of years, and he wants me to find someone that I can love.”

“What does he say love is like? How do you know if you’re in love?” Hajime asked. He had known basics of courtly love, how men were supposed to win women’s hearts or something of the sort. But Hajime knew nothing of the _feeling_ of love.

“He says that when you see her, your heart beats faster, and you feel like you could conquer armies. She fills you with unexplained happiness. She doesn’t even have to _do_ anything, she’s just there are you love her. My father says being in love feels like home.” Kindaichi explained, loosely quoting his father.

“Hm.” Hajime nodded thoughtfully. He suddenly thought of Tooru. Tooru made him feel somewhat like that, but the idea of being in love with Tooru was not only shameful, but a bit bizarre. They were best friends, certainly not lovers. Yet somehow, the thought was stuck in Hajime’s mind, even long after he and Kindaichi had parted ways.

Laying in his bed at night a few days later, Hajime stared at the ceiling above him. He thought of Tooru again, wondered how he was doing. He was sure that the prince was just fine, but he still missed him. He missed his warmth at night, and missed the light feeling in his chest. Hajime rolled over on his side, arm curved over his hip. He imagined it to be Tooru’s and felt his neck grow hot.

 _I am not in love with Tooru_ , Hajime insisted, closing his eyes tightly. There was just no way it could be. After all, they were both men, for one, and for two, even if he _was_ \- which he wasn’t - he couldn’t know for sure until Tooru returned. There was a few of those qualifiers that Kindaichi spoke of that Hajime couldn’t test until Tooru was back in their own kingdom. For the time being, he ignored the feeling of guilt that tried to sneak up on him. After all, it was not sinful to love another man, but to be intimate with another, Hajime thought. Furthermore, God was supposed to always forgive a believer’s sins.

The next morning, Hajime wrote another letter to Tooru. He tried to find more things to talk about, but castle life without Tooru had been painfully dreary and repetitive. Hajime hesitated to end his note. His ink dared to drip onto the page as he thought of what to write. In the end, he decided on writing, “ _I miss you,_ ” before signing his name. Hajime hoped that all of his words were correct as he blew lightly on the ink to dry it. His literacy wasn’t exactly the best, as he was only a servant.

Letters took some time to get to their destination, even when sent by pigeon. Tooru’s day was instantly made every time he received a letter from his kingdom because they were always from Hajime. He was sitting at a dining table for breakfast when a new letter was handed to him. Karasuno’s dining hall was probably about at large as Aoba Johsai’s, decorated in vibrant orange. Tooru blocked out all of that, though, pouring himself into Hajime’s letter.

As he read the words, Tooru smiled to himself. All of the words were so… Hajime. It was like he was there speaking to him. When Tooru read the last sentence, his chest felt tight. Hajime missed him. Tooru couldn’t place how that made him feel, but suddenly it was like his body physically ached to be with Hajime, like all of his muscles wanted to just cuddle in bed with him again, because they would not relax until he did. It was the strangest feeling.

When he next had a chance, Tooru wrote up a response, signing it, “ _Love, Tooru._ ” He didn’t think much of it, quickly penning the letters. The ink soaked into the page, and once it was dry, Tooru folded it, stuffing it in an envelope, sealing it with some wax and the royal stamp. Tooru sent it off with a messenger.

They would be leaving Karasuno soon, heading farther away to Nekoma. Nekoma was larger and densely populated, and Tooru wasn’t sure if he looked forward to the visit or not. Mostly, he wasn’t, because Hajime wasn’t there. Tooru hadn’t heard much of Nekoma, only that there was a prince about his age, and that the land had an odd indigenous population of cats.

Hajime received Tooru’s letter a few weeks after it was sent. He’d waited impatiently, and for some reason he felt constantly on edge. Kindaichi brought him the letter. 

“Iwaizumi, this one is for you.” The younger boy told him, handing him the envelope. Hajime took it quickly, heart suddenly pounding harder. Oh no. That was one of the Love Things. Hajime wasn’t sure if it counted, since Tooru wasn’t _really_ there - it was just a letter.

Hajime quickly opened the letter, eyes darting over the letters. “ _Dearest Hajime, like always, I imagine this letter will reach you late. Regardless, we will be leaving Karasuno soon. I’m happy to leave but not as happy as I could be. I wish I were going home_.” Hajime could imagine how Tooru’s face must have looked while he wrote that, pleasant features twisted in that look of disappointment. “ _There has been nothing fun nor exciting here. The princess is beautiful but she is very reserved. She’s said maybe two words to me. The meetings and discussions have been absolutely boring. Imagine me sighing right now._ ” Hajime rolled his eyes. “ _Hajime, I hope you are doing well, but not too well without me, of course. I miss you. I cannot wait to return home. Love, Tooru._ ”

Hajime stopped breathing, eyes frozen on the last two words. _Love_. Tooru had signed the letter with love. Hajime frowned at the page.

“Is everything all right?” Kindaichi asked. Hajime looked up from the page, having forgotten that Kindaichi was there at all.

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Hajime folded the letter back, suddenly aware of how warm his neck felt. He turned away, walking briskly to his bedroom. He picked up the other letters Tooru had sent, checking to see how those were signed. They all were simply ended with Tooru’s signature. Why the change? Hajime felt some emotion building inside him, but he tried to not overthink that.

Hajime sat on his bed, gazing at the new letter. 

It was a realization that could be compared to clouds clearing after a storm, revealing the sun.

Hajime was in love with the prince.

What he didn’t expect was the feeling of dread that filled him shortly after that. He was not supposed to love the prince… like _that_. They were supposed to simply be best friends. Then again, they did a lot of things that they weren’t “supposed to” do. Hajime didn’t think that normal friends shared beds, cuddled, cried together. 

He wondered if he and Tooru had ever been proper friends.

Suddenly, Hajime felt like it was his fate to love the prince. It felt like his whole life had led him exactly to that moment. He set the letter down and rubbed his face. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he couldn’t just tell Tooru, at least not until he returned. A small part of Hajime hoped that maybe while he waited, his love would die out.

He would not be so lucky. With every letter, Hajime fell deeper. Somehow, it was making him miserable and happy at the same time. It made no sense. It was hard for Hajime to write letters that weren’t just horrible sappy love letters. He worried about being repetitive, but Tooru didn’t seem to care.

Tooru was happy to be getting letters from Hajime at all, regardless of what they said inside. A couple of months had passed, and now Tooru and his party were staying in the Fukurodani kingdom. Tooru felt excitement bubbling inside, because they only had one more kingdom, Shiratorizawa, to travel to after they were through in Fukurodani. 

Laying in his bed, which wasn’t really his, Tooru was rereading Hajime’s letters. He was smiling to himself, amused by Hajime’s written voice and occasional writing error. As he read, though, Tooru’s happiness melted away, replaced by a frigid loneliness. He missed Hajime so much. Clutching the stiff pages to his chest, Tooru closed his eyes and sighed. He just wanted to go home. Summer was nearing it’s end, so he knew that it was only a matter of months before he would get to lay in his own bed. With Hajime.

Suddenly, Tooru felt nervous. _What if Hajime has changed? What if he won’t want to lay with me?_ Teeth raked over his lips as Tooru thought. He was worried that things would be different. Tooru tried to rationalize, thinking how even if Hajime didn’t want to lay with him that it was probably for the better since they _were_ basically adults, and grown men don’t share beds. At least, not typically. Tooru groaned, sitting up. He carefully folded his letters back up, stashing them away in the leather pouch he’d been keeping them in. “Just a few more months,” He sighed to himself.

A week later, Tooru and the king and the rest of their party left for Shiratorizawa. The castle there was large and impressive, and quite intimidating. Their prince was also intimidating, tall and broad-shouldered. Something about him made Tooru feel insecure, small. During their stay, he practically ignored Tooru. Tooru was sure to tell Hajime about it in a letter.

Hajime’s response amused Tooru, a few weeks later. “ _Who cares about some prince in a nice castle? You’re impressive too._ ” Tooru imagined, biting back a grin, how Hajime would have looked while writing, eyebrows pulled tight and lips pushed out in an adorable frown. Like always, though, Hajime’s words appeased Tooru’s mood. 

At dinner, the king noticed. “You seem to be in high spirits today, my son.”

Tooru stopped sipping his wine, “Do I?”

His father nodded, “Did you receive a letter from Hajime?”

“Eh?” Tooru was surprised, “Yes… How did you know?”

Laughing, the king patted the prince on the shoulder, “You are always more agreeable and much less pouty when you receive a letter from him. Is he doing well?”

Tooru frowned stubbornly at his father’s observation. “Well, he’s all right. Same as always.” He shrugged.

Still clearly amused, the king finished his glass of wine. “When you write him tonight, you can let him know that we will be departing this time next week.”

Tooru’s face exploded into a grin, “We are?” He leaned in close. “Oh, thank the Lord.” The king just laughed.

“It should take us about a month to travel back to Aoba Johsai. You can tell Hajime that, too.”

“I shall.” Tooru was still grinning, probably wider than he had in months. He finished his dinner quickly, rushing up to his room to pen his letter. He wrote about their upcoming departure, but decided to omit the part about the correlation between his mood and Hajime’s letters, lest Hajime grow too proud. Tooru sealed the envelope, sending it off with a servant. He was filled with excitement, and he couldn’t quite settle down, even as he laid in his bed.

Tooru was thinking about Hajime when he finally drifted to sleep.

In the next week, Tooru and his company left Shiratorizawa. Tooru was in such good spirits that he hummed down the exit path. He felt better just to be out of there. His excitement, though, soon escaped from his body as boredom crept up. It felt like they’d been traveling for hours, yet they hadn’t even gotten that far. Tooru leaned against his horse’s neck, sighing. 

After two weeks, the group was half way there, and Tooru, ever overdramatic, wrote a letter to Hajime bemoaning how he was just sure he would never get to return home. 

Back at Aoba Johsai, Hajime was reading Tooru’s other letter. His breath was caught in his throat as his eyes sped through the words.

“Is everything all right?” Kindaichi asked. Hajime had forgotten he was even there.

“Tooru is coming home.” Hajime told him, not even caring that he’d slipped up and called the prince by his given name so plainly. His heart was beating hard; he could feel the blood in his neck.

“Oh!” Kindaichi smiled, “That’s great!”

Hajime folded up the page, “Mm, they’re probably over half way here now.” He couldn’t help his own smile, lips quivering up on their own. Hajime and Kindaichi finished cleaning the stables, dumping all of the old and dirty hay out. After that, the two boys lounged for a bit. 

Hajime was braiding his horse’s mane when Kindaichi started a new conversation. “So I met a girl the other day.”

“Hm?”

Kindaichi sighed, but it sounded like a happy sigh. “I think it may be love at first sight.”

Hajime smiled a bit and rolled his eyes, “You believe in that?”

“I didn’t really before, but now I do!” Kindaichi smiled, “The saddest part is that I don’t even know her name.” His face turned downcast.

Hajime laughed once, “Just give it time. If it’s meant to be, you’ll come together.”

“You think so?” The younger boy looked up at him.

Hajime pursed his lips, “I don’t see why not.” 

Kindaichi kept talking about the mystery girl, but Hajime was distracted by thoughts of Tooru. Unfortunately, Hajime was still decidedly very much in love with him. It was frustrating, and occasionally depressing, but Hajime couldn’t shake it. He was plagued by idiotic, rose-tinted thoughts about the prince.

He was incredibly excited yet nervous for the prince to come home. He worried over if he would be able to handle their usual closeness all while being in love with Tooru.

After listening to Kindaichi for a little longer, Hajime retired to the castle to prepare Tooru’s bed chamber for his arrival. He dusted all of the objects and paintings to start, sweeping after he did that. The stone floors held a lot of dirt, but Hajime probably wouldn’t need to sweep again until after Tooru had come home.

Hajime was nervous, uncharacteristically so. The king had sent a letter a few days before their arrival so that the castle could be properly ready for their return. Hajime cleaned Tooru’s bed chamber three times, and he found himself pacing the floor often. All he could think about was Tooru coming home, Tooru being in his arms. _Tooru_. Hajime’s stomach was uneasy.

Tooru was feeling almost the same as Hajime was. He held his horse’s reigns too tightly in his hands as they crossed the border into Aoba Johsai. The castle’s gate was down, and many of the citizens had gathered to see them in. The king led them inside, Tooru following behind. He scanned the crowd, waving and smiling like he should, but didn’t see Hajime anywhere. A light panic bubbled in him, worried that his fear had become reality and that Hajime and he had grown apart. He couldn’t think about that for long, though, since he had to greet everyone.

As soon as he could, Tooru ran up to his bedroom. Of course, it was after dinner, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He was about to fake illness just so he could be left alone.

Tooru threw the bed chamber door open, instantly seeing Hajime, who had been pacing the room.

Hajime’s head snapped to the door, “Tooru.” He breathed. He wasn’t sure if his heart stopped or was beating so fast he couldn’t feel it. It was like seeing the sun after months of rain, or like a long bath after a week of camping.

“Hajime!” Tooru grinned, running into the room, letting the door swing closed behind him. With little warning, he ran up to Hajime, throwing his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips, jumping on him. Suddenly, it was like every inch of his body needed to touch Hajime.

“Ah- Tooru!” Hajime gasped as Tooru’s weight knocked him off balance. The two toppled over, but Hajime couldn’t really complain, despite the mild pain in his rear. Tooru was clinging to him tightly, and Hajime clung back. He tried not to think about how Tooru’s thighs were pressed around his hips, but they _were_ a bit distracting.

“Hajime, it’s you, it’s really you.” Tooru mumbled, and Hajime could hear the tears in his voice. Hajime nuzzled into Tooru’s shoulder to hide his own wet eye lashes.

“I missed you,” he said softly. Hajime had never felt so much joy. 

“Hajime,” Tooru said after a moment, leaning up and wiping his face. “I think you have grown shorter.” His lips were quivering with the urge to laugh.

Hajime frowned, “That’s not something that happens to people. You must have grown.”

Tooru giggled, the most amazing and beautiful sound Hajime had ever heard. “Maybe.” He touched Hajime’s face, wiping his cheeks, too. Hajime looked up at Tooru’s face, taking in the subtle changes that a year apart had brought on. His jaw was sharper, shoulders broader, but all in all, he was the same. That face was the very same one he’d always known. His nose was still the same, maybe a little more tan or more freckled. His hair was still the same unruly, velvety brown that Hajime loved to run his fingers through.

Hajime loved him so much. It was basically unbearable.

Tooru eventually peeled himself off of Hajime, getting up. He helped Hajime to his feet, hands clasping together, amused that he was a few fingers taller than him now. Hajime didn’t really look much different. He had a little more stubble, if anything. His arms looked more muscular, giving him an even burlier aesthetic. 

Tooru hugged him again, softer this time, refraining from slamming all of his weight against Hajime. “I’m so happy. I missed you so much.” Tooru told him, hugging impossibly tight. “My life is exponentially more boring without you to bother.” He laughed again. Hajime just frowned and pinched Tooru’s sides. He yelped and let go, laughing still. Hajime laughed too.

There was an odd, light feeling in Tooru’s chest that he couldn’t name. It was like his heart had grown wings and was trying to fly out of his chest. He didn’t worry about it too much though, he was simply happy to be home, and to be with Hajime, his best friend in the whole world. Tooru couldn’t think of a person he preferred over Hajime.

After Tooru bathed, he rejoined Hajime in his bed room. “I’m exhausted,” He yawned, running long fingers through his wet hair. Even while wet, the locks were still wavy.

Hajime was already laying in the bed, eyes threatening to droop closed. He drowsily watched Tooru walk over to the bed, climbing in beside him. Hajime cuddled against Tooru’s chest without a second thought, arm strewn over Tooru’s belly. 

“Hajime,” Tooru whispered.

“Hm?” Hajime grunted sleepily, lifting his head to look at Tooru’s face. It was a little dark, but there was faint candle light illuminating the room. Hajime could easily read the insecure look on Tooru’s face; it was clear in the way he bit his lip and didn’t look directly at Hajime’s eyes. An instant wave of anxiety pulled him out of his sleepy haze, “What is it?” Did he not want to cuddle? Did he want Hajime to go to his own room?

“I just…” Tooru’s eyebrows pinched together. “Did you miss me?”

Hajime, a bit taken aback, could only think to frown at Tooru, “Are you daft? What kind of question is that?”

Tooru covered his face with his hands, embarrassment running up his neck, “I don’t know! Sometimes I thought your life was probably easier without me around.” 

Hajime sighed, smacking one of Tooru’s hands away. “Absolutely not. I’m not sure how you could even think such a thing. Every second without you was torture, you fool.” Hajime snapped, sounding a bit more mad than he should, but he _was_ mad. How dare Tooru think that Hajime wouldn’t miss him? Couldn’t he tell how much Hajime loved him? Perhaps maybe he didn’t know about the love part, since Hajime planned to never ever tell him.

“All right, all right!” Tooru surrendered, holding his hands up, palms out. “I’m sorry.” He smiled weakly. Hajime was still frowning, but Tooru recognized the look in his eyes. There was something Hajime wanted to say, but was holding in. Tooru decided to not press, since Hajime never kept anything from him for very long. “Hajime,” Tooru started, a grin teasing the corners of his lips, “if you keep grimacing like that, you will have that face forever. And then you will scare all of the children and women away.” He giggled.

Hajime flicked Tooru’s forehead, “That’s not possible.” Was it? 

“Hmmm, well your frowning face is still handsome, so maybe some women will stick around. I know I will,” Tooru winked, and Hajime was glad that the room was dark enough to hide the way he blushed.

“Shut it. I want to sleep.” Hajime huffed, leaning his head down again. Tooru just hummed, relaxing his body as he turned onto his side, nuzzling into Hajime’s familiar hair. Their bare legs brushed against each other, filling Tooru with the warm feeling of being at home.

Home was with Hajime. Maybe home was even in Hajime’s arms. Tooru thought, just before he drifted to sleep, that he never wanted to leave “home” again.

The next morning, Tooru woke first. His eyes fluttered open, urged by the sunlight pouring in his window. He stretched his arms drowsily before snuggling back against Hajime, who was holding onto his torso with his arms, and one of Tooru’s legs with his. Even though it was a bit uncharacteristic, Tooru thought it was cute. He sighed through his nose, opening his eyes again before he could fall back asleep. “Hajime,” He whispered with his rough morning voice. “Haaaaaajime.”

Hajime’s expression changed as he was woken, brown eyes sliding open slowly. Tooru watched the progression, and he watched as Hajime’s eyes met his. Hajime smiled, a deep kind of smile where even his eyes got a bit squinty. Tooru thought it could almost be romantic. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Hajime smile like that. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

Tooru didn’t have much time to consider it, though, because a moment later, Hajime’s eyes opened wider, and his grin was gone. “Ah, I overslept.”

Tooru rolled his eyes. “You did. Absolutely unbelievable, Hajime. I thought I was actually going to have to fetch my own breakfast. Even my own clothing!” He lamented in a put-on voice, loving the irritated look Hajime shot him.

“I’m too tired to deal with your bile.” Hajime grumbled, pulling Tooru closer before burying his face in his chest. He was being clingy, but he felt no shame in it. That was just how they always were, physically stuck to each other.

After a few more minutes, though, the boys had to get out of bed. They dressed, Tooru fussed with his sloppy sleep-hair, and Hajime brought him breakfast.

Suddenly, as if things had never changed, the world was normal again.

Weeks passed, and Tooru began to notice a change, something he didn’t notice at first. Sometimes, Hajime would shy away, he would blush, or start to say something and then stop himself. It irked Tooru, as Hajime was typically easy for Tooru to read. 

One afternoon, the two went out for a ride through the woods. They stopped at the lake; Hajime sat on the bank, pulling at his top to let some cool air in. Tooru walked over, sitting down beside him, not really minding that the grass was somewhat damp. That odd tension was back between them, and it was making Tooru antsy. 

He was thinking of something sharp to say when Hajime spoke first. “A friend of mine is in love.” 

“Hmmm, a friend?” Tooru’s eyes slid over to his friend, looking at his profile. A taunt about Hajime having friends died on Tooru’s tongue.

Hajime shrugged, “Sort of a friend. Another castle worker. Anyway, he’s got this woman he’s fallen for.”

Tooru didn’t get why this was even worth talking about. People were in love all the time. “And?”

Hajime frowned, scratching his chin. “I just think it must be nice. Love. He seems happy.”

Tooru gazed back at the lake, thinking about all of the things he ever heard about love. For some reason, everything made him think of Hajime. “Hmmm, yeah.” Tooru thought about things that people did when they were in love; they kissed, held hands, laid together, got married, had children. There was a Romantic tint to it all. “Have you ever kissed anyone, Hajime?” Tooru blurted.

“What? No.” Hajime blushed, tan cheeks turning a low pink. 

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot you were not so smooth with the ladies.” Tooru snickered, trying to ease the mood. It seemed to help.

Hajime shoved Tooru’s shoulder, “Piss off.” Tooru decided that Hajime was pouting. “Have- have you ever kissed anyone?”

“I- no. I haven’t. I have kissed many a fair maiden’s hand, but never her lips.”

Hajime felt several degrees of embarrassed. He shouldn’t have said anything about love. There was a thick silence between them. Hajime was desperately fishing for something, anything, to say to break the stiff air.

“Do you want to kiss someone, Hajime?” Tooru asked, an aloof airy tone to his voice. That was the tone he used when he was trying to mask a feeling.

“Kiss someone? Um,” Hajime raked his teeth over his lip, shrugging, “Maybe. Yes. It seems nice.” His eyes dared to flick to Tooru’s mouth. He wanted to kiss Tooru. He wanted to kiss him so badly, but he couldn’t. Absolutely not.

“Perhaps.” Tooru shrugged. “Hey- Hajime,” Tooru blurted after a moment, tone effectively changing the mood. “Do you fancy a swim?”

Hajime raised an eyebrow, “A swim? Isn’t the water a bit too cool for that?”

Tooru smirked at his friend, “Only if you’re weak willed.”

“Is that a challenge, arse face?” Hajime frowned at him.

The prince shrugged playfully. “I mean, clearly you’re not man enough to handle some chilly water. So, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge.” He stuck his tongue out.

“Fine. We’ll swim.” Hajime gave in, standing up and starting to undress. Tooru just laughed, pleased with how easily he could irritate the other. The boys stripped down to their undergarments, standing on the bank of the lake. Hajime dared to gaze over Tooru’s figure, even though he had seen him in various stages of undress before this moment. Yet, somehow, this was… different.

Tooru’s body was long and lean, muscled but not quite as built as Hajime was. His skin was also several shades lighter. Hajime finally looked up from Tooru’s body. “Well, after you, _my prince._ ” He taunted, knowing exactly how Tooru would react to that.

Sure enough, Tooru blushed, huffed, and pouted. He didn’t have a snarky comeback, this time. “I’ll show you how it is done.” He took several steps forward, wading knee deep in the water. His movements quickly turned stiff as the cool water enveloped his skin. Hajime couldn’t help but snicker a bit. Tooru looked back at him, pouting even more intensely than before. “Get in, will you?”

Hajime rolled his eyes, stepping into the water. The lake was just as chilly as he’d expected, grimacing when he walked past Tooru, getting waist deep in the water, which was just cold enough to be extremely unpleasant for his groin. If the lake hadn’t been in the shade, it would have been warmer. “Damn,” He breathed, fidgeting in the water. Tooru was still only up to his knees. Hajime smirked. “Have you given up?”

Tooru crossed his arms over his bare chest, “Absolutely not! I’m merely adjusting. I’m not a _brute_ like you- I take my ti- _Hajime!_ ” Tooru gasped as Hajime lurched forward, grabbing one of Tooru’s arms, pulling him deeper. He made a girlish sound that made Hajime practically chortle as he floundered in the water. “Unfair, Hajime.” Tooru grumbled, arms holding himself, grappling for warmth.

“I thought you were going to ‘show me how it’s done,’” Hajime taunted, splashing some water at the prince.

“Hajime, quit, I’m coooold,” Tooru whined pathetically, reaching to grab Hajime’s arms to stop him.

“Fine, fine.” Hajime stopped splashing. He looked at Tooru, who looked more uncomfortable than Hajime had seen, standing very small, wrapped around himself like he was going to freeze to death in that lake. Hajime had already adjusted to the temperature. “Come here, I’m warm.” Hajime told him, opening his arms.

Tooru eyed him suspiciously, like it was a trick.

“I’m not going to make you any colder.” Hajime puffed, giving Tooru an exasperated look. Tooru stepped closer, whining as he also had to get deeper into the lake. Hajime’s arms were around him soon enough, and like Hajime promised, he was actually fairly warm. “See? Told you,” Hajime muttered, tone somewhat masking _something_.

Tooru just nodded, putting his hands around Hajime’s waist underwater. It was probably an odd situation, two men embracing in a lake, but it just felt so _natural_ , like there was no other possible thing that Tooru should do in that moment. “You’re always warm, Hajime. Possibly because you’re so hot headed.” Tooru smirked.

“Don’t test me. Remember who’s the cold one here.” Hajime said, frown clear in his voice.

“So cruel, Hajime!” Tooru whined, clinging closer.

Hajime laughed once, resting his chin on Tooru’s shoulder. He sighed contentedly. He was aware of how his heart was hammering in his chest, but he tried to act _normal_. If this was anyone else, the scene could be interpreted as heavily romantic, but it was just _them_ , this sort of closeness was routine. Yet it wasn’t at the same time. Hajime felt conflicted, but for the time being he was just going to enjoy their embrace and try to forget about anything else.

“Toor-,” 

“Hajime- oh, sorry.”

“I was just going to ask if you wanted to get out yet.” The chill was starting to come back, slowly creeping up Hajime’s back.

“Hmm, I suppose.” Tooru said softly. They peeled apart and waded out, stepping out of the shade to warm up and dry off.

Tooru made the horrifying mistake of looking at Hajime’s body. Hajime had always been muscular, and Tooru had always thought that was appealing, but paired with the water droplets clinging to his skin, and the basically see-through undergarments — now wet and stuck to Hajime’s body — it was too much. Tooru’s eyes were practically fixed, taking in as much of the scene as he could before Hajime would notice. Tooru’s stomach felt weird as he finally looked away, flustered.

That night was awkward in bed. Hajime was curled against Tooru’s back, snoring lightly against his neck. His breath tickled a bit, but Tooru was too busy thinking to really be bothered. He thought about the burly arm decked across his hip. He thought about Hajime’s other arm, probably numb underneath Tooru’s side. Regrettably, he thought about Hajime’s body, how it seemed to be pressed against him, like a cast. There was the overwhelming realization of Hajime’s contact that made Tooru feel like he was suffocating. But, he enjoyed it, he felt like a babe that had been swathed, only by strong arms instead of woolen blankets. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Tooru just wanted his feelings to make sense.

—

“Tooru.”

“Yes, father? You sound awfully serious this afternoon.” Tooru was sitting at the king’s side in his office, pouring over royal decrees and documents, many of which had been revised over their trip. 

His father continued to talk, as if Tooru hadn’t even said anything sarcastic, “As you know, I have not arranged a marriage for you because I want you to marry someone you love, just like how I loved your mother, God rest her soul.” Tooru nodded. “Have you not found a woman to love? After all, you are a grown man now. At this point I wouldn’t even mind if she weren’t a princess.” The king chuckled, and Tooru’s put-on smile thinned.

“Ah… No, I have yet to find a woman.” Tooru affirmed, avoiding eye contact with the king.  
 “Perhaps if you spent less time with Hajime, you might meet a woman.” The king said, using that same light, double-edged tone that Tooru often did.

Tooru just frowned and turned back to his page, muttering a ‘sure.’ For some reason, Tooru felt no desire to meet ladies, to woo them with his practiced smiles. He simply wanted to be with Hajime, the one person who knew him deeply and still cared, still held him when he cried. But that notion didn’t help his situation. He couldn’t love Hajime like that because it was a sin.

But sinners still went to heaven, Tooru thought.

His stomach was suddenly uneasy, and he excused himself from his duties.

By the time dinner was served, Tooru still felt strange and squirmy. Even so, he sat where he should, ate his meal, and drank a bit too much wine. He wasn’t _drunk_ , per se, but he was not sober. He asked Hajime to draw him a bath, and he did, of course. Tooru watched as Hajime poured the boiled water into the tub. “Hajime, you are so good to me. Always taking care of me.” Tooru grinned, tongue loosened by the alcohol.

Hajime glanced over his shoulder before he poured another bucket in. “Yeah, well it’s my job. Literally and… Not literally.” Hajime shrugged. 

After the third bucket, the bath was full. Hajime left the bathing room, leaving Tooru alone to undress. He stripped, carelessly tossing his clothing to the side. Tooru sighed as he slid under the water, the warmth feeling good against his skin. His thoughts swirled around like a child that had spun in a circle too many times, but he grappled to make sense.

Even if he loved Hajime - maybe, if - they still couldn't marry. The holy text described marriage between man and woman. Tooru reasoned further, noting that many married, God-fearing people carried on affairs on the side, especially those who were betrothed when they were young. 

Tooru stared down into the water, at the rippled outlines of his thighs. What did this mean? Tooru groaned and splashed some of the warm water over his face, mussing wet fingers through his hair. He felt tense, stressed. He just couldn’t think straight, couldn’t form a solid idea.

“Haaaaajime.” Tooru called, giving up on his mental war.

After another moment, Hajime entered the bathroom again, grumbling, “What is it now, you drunken idiot? Can’t get your night tunic on?” 

Tooru scoffed, “Please, I’m _not_ drunk.”

Hajime smirked, walking over to the tub. “You sound and look fairly drunk.” Tooru did. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes just slightly glassy. Hajime tried to ignore the fact that Tooru was naked, but it was a bit difficult.

“Hajime. Anyways, would you pleasant for once in your life- would you please rub my shoulders?” Tooru smiled, trying to win Hajime over. Hajime knew this game well, and he always let Tooru win with the tiniest flutter of his eyelashes.

“Fine,” Hajime sighed, squatting behind Tooru’s back. He reached, warm hands settling on the soft skin between Tooru’s neck and shoulders. He began to rub his thumbs in circular motions, digging into the muscles just how he knew Tooru liked, eliciting a happy sigh from the prince. Hajime’s fingers moved around the span of Tooru’s shoulders, and then up his neck into his wavy hair. 

“Ah, Hajime, you’re the most amazing person in the entire world.”

Hajime scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Perhaps to you.”

“My opinion is the only one which matters.” Tooru quipped back, glancing over his shoulder with a small and coy smile. Hajime felt that love-flutter in his in belly, and he willed it down, like he always did. He took his hands away from Tooru’s hair. He needed to cease the contact.

“There. You should get out now. I want to sleep.” Hajime told him, standing back up.

“Hajime, wait,” Tooru turned, reaching for him. “My knee hurts. Would you help me up?”

Squinting, Hajime could see right through Tooru’s lie. Even so, he sighed, holding out his hands for Tooru. He took them in an instant, and Hajime ‘helped’ him to his feet. He grabbed the drying cloth, starting to wrap it around Tooru before he got too cold. He draped it around Tooru’s shoulders before the prince suddenly hugged Hajime.

“Um. Tooru?”

“Shh.”

Hajime closed his mouth, deciding there wasn’t much he could do, not with this strange mood Tooru was in. He nuzzled into Tooru’s damp neck. “You need to get dressed. We can cuddle in bed when you aren’t making my clothing wet.” He said quietly.

Tooru finally let go, finished drying off, and got dressed once more. Tooru was the first one in bed, stretching and yawning. As Hajime walked up to the bed, Tooru grabbed his arms, jerking Hajime’s body down. 

“Hey!” Hajime yelped, crashing right on top of Tooru, who was giggling. Their faces were close, and Hajime had the overwhelming urge to kiss him, on the mouth, not even on his cheek, and - _oh God_ \- he needed to get off of Tooru. Hajime sputtered, rolling off of him.

Hajime’s heart was pounding, just as hard as Tooru was laughing. As Tooru’s laughter dwindled, he cuddled against Hajime’s chest, yawning softly. “Sorry, sorry.” He hummed, eyes slipping shut.

Hajime’s whole body felt uneasy, but in a good, twisting way. Perhaps it was the feeling that Kindaichi described as “butterflies.” Hajime sighed, “It’s all right.” He patted Tooru’s back, between his shoulder blades. Tooru was still humming, throat vibrating against Hajime’s skin. The sound could be described as satisfied, a happy little sound that Tooru kept making. It made Hajime smile.

Tooru yawned, and shifted, and Hajime could feel his body getting heavier. He was about to fall asleep.

“Hajime,” Tooru murmured, “love you.”

Hajime stopped breathing, eyes opening wide. “I… love you too.” He whispered back, even though it sounded like Tooru was asleep, then. Hajime, of course, was wide awake. He wasn’t sure what to think, or if he could even take what Tooru just said seriously. He was mildly drunk, and basically asleep. Hajime groaned quietly. Damn him.

Eventually, Hajime fell asleep, clutching Tooru to his chest.

The next morning, Tooru woke up with a throbbing headache and an empty bed. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and face. He pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to relieve the pressure. He squinted, looking around his chamber for Hajime. All he noticed was a pitcher of water on his bed side table. He drank the water, but still didn’t feel quite well yet. He wanted Hajime, and really he was confused as to why he wasn’t there. 

He slid out of bed, tip-toeing over to the clothes that Hajime must have set out for him. He dressed sluggishly, combing his messy hair when he was done. Hajime walked in with a tray of breakfast moments later.

“Oh, you’re awake.” He greeted, setting the tray down on the small table. “How do you feel?”

“I have a horrid head ache.” Tooru whined, sitting down to eat.

Hajime laughed once, “Well, you should.” Hajime sat in the chair across from him. “You were pretty drunk last night.”  

“Was not,” Tooru protested, pouting crabbily. 

Hajime gave him a certain look, one that Tooru couldn’t quite label. Something between indignation and… pain? His eyes were tight, but he was pouting. “You told me you loved me.”

Tooru’s face warmed, “I- what!? That’s ridiculous.” Tooru waved a hand. He felt uneasy. Did he love Hajime? He wasn’t entirely sure, but apparently drunk and sleepy Tooru was.

Hajime just rolled his eyes, “ _You’re_ ridiculous.”

—

Hajime decided to ever so slightly pull back. His heartache, though masked well, was eating away at him. He could barely cuddle with Tooru without feeling terrible afterward. Tooru didn’t love him, that much he was sure of. It made Hajime feel… Empty. So, he touched Tooru less. He didn’t pull away when Tooru reached for him, but he didn’t initiate anything himself. He started sleeping in his own bed, occasionally. Most nights were still spent in Tooru’s bed, but there was less cuddling.

That was just the way that Hajime figured to deal with the terrible unrequited love.

Tooru noticed. He noticed the change, but didn’t know _why_. All he knew was that with every inch Hajime put between them, Tooru felt worse. The clueless feeling left Tooru feeling quite alarmed, a bit anxious. He did his best to pretend like everything was normal. He smiled, wisecracked. He hoped that Hajime would buy it all, despite always knowing which smiles were real and which were not.

Tooru sighed as he turned a page of an old book. He was sitting in his bed, staring at the text with a sad look in his eyes. He glanced over to Hajime, who was sweeping out the room. Tooru closed his book, suddenly getting an idea.

“Hajime!” He said suddenly, causing Hajime to flinch.

“Yes?” 

“We should go camping. Just you and me.” Tooru grinned.

Hajime’s lips pressed together for a brief moment. “All right. When?”

“Umm, next week?” Tooru shrugged. That would be enough time to do the small preparations. Hajime started sweeping again, and Tooru just watched with a tortured expression.

Tooru’s throat tightened. 

He loved Hajime. 

He had loved him all this time and didn’t even realize until that moment. 

“H-hajime,” He blurted.

Hajime looked over his shoulder, “Hm? Hey, are you feeling well?”

Tooru hesitated. He bit his lip, “Er, nothing. I forgot what I was going to say.” He lied. Hajime squinted at him, and Tooru knew that he saw right through him.

“If you’re sure.” Hajime shrugged. Tooru wanted to die. He hadn’t been told that love was unbearable. Love was supposed to be beautiful and happy.

Tooru clung tight to Hajime’s chest that night. Hajime didn’t question him. Tooru, though, wasn’t happy with that. He felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but he held it in.

The week passed, slowly, torturously, and then the boys were setting up to go camping. They would be gone for three days, sleeping in the campgrounds set in the woods a few miles from the castle grounds. Hajime packed their horses. Among their supplies was one tent and two sleeping packs. Hajime hesitated a second before adding the second pack, but he knew that it was better that way.

He was in love with Tooru, and it was just easier to ignore when there was space between the two of them.

Once the horses were ready, Hajime walked back up to Tooru’s bedchamber to fetch him. He walked into the room, walked right into Tooru changing clothes. He finished pulling his top on as Hajime spoke. “The horses are ready to depart.”

Tooru smiled, “Perfect. I am ready as well.” For the first time in a while, Tooru was feeling genuinely excited, and it was working on Hajime. He smiled back at Tooru. They walked out together, Hajime one step behind Tooru. In the stables, the two got on their horses. “Try to keep up, Hajime,” Tooru taunted, trotting off. Hajime frowned, in the playful way, starting off behind him. 

After a bit, Tooru let Hajime catch up. “Hey, Hajime. You said once that you had some friend that was in love.”

“Oh, yeah. Kindaichi. What about him?” Hajime asked, looking at Tooru, trying to decipher the tone of his voice.

“Is… He happy?”

“He seems very happy.”

“So love is supposed to be happy, then?”

Hajime frowned, glancing down at his lap. “I’m not so sure. Why do you ask?”

Tooru sputtered, “Er, I’m just… Trying to get some thoughts straight. That’s all.”

“If you’ve met some woman, you could tell me.” Hajime told him, sounding detached. 

Tooru gave him an incredulous look. “Absolutely not!” He sounded horrifically offended, and Hajime wasn’t sure why. “It’s just complicated, Hajime.” Tooru sighed. He sounded almost defeated. Hajime slowed his horse to a stop.

“Tooru.”

The prince stopped too, looking back at Hajime. “Yes, mother?”

Hajime’s eyebrows pulled together, creating that look that Tooru knew well, Hajime’s look of ‘I’m trying to be nice, but I don’t know how to in this situation.’

“You know that you can tell me anything. I mean we’re best friends…” Hajime felt like a complete hypocrite, trying to get Tooru to talk when he wouldn’t. 

Tooru smiled, probably the saddest smile Hajime had ever seen. “I would tell, but I’m not quite sure what to say.”

Hajime glanced down, nodding. “Right. Well. Whenever you do.”

“The same goes for you, Hajime. Don’t act like I haven’t noticed you being strange!” Tooru prodded, a more normal tone this time. Now he was pouting. Hajime blushed.

“Piss off.” He grumbled, kicking up his horse again. Tooru giggled, trailing after him.

They arrived at the camp site, and Hajime began to build their tent up on the slight hill. Tooru helped a bit, but Hajime laughed at his underdeveloped tent skills. Once it was built and sound, Hajime unpacked the sleeping materials. setting up one blanketed space for Tooru, and one for him, just a couple inches apart. The bags of their clothing were placed in a corner of the tent.

When he crawled out of the tent, Hajime saw Tooru gazing up at the sky, a perfectly pensive expression on his face. 

“Don’t think too hard. You might damage something,” Hajime said sarcastically, pulling Tooru out of his reverie. He pouted at Hajime deeply.

“Hajime, I would like to tell you that my brain can surely handle immense amounts of thought without suffering any damage, unlike yours, you simpleton.” Tooru stuck out his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest. Hajime just frowned at him and flicked his head. “Anyway, I was thinking that it looks like it may rain later, so we should try to hunt now, so we won’t be out in the rain.”

Hajime looked up at the ominous-looking clouds that hung above the trees. “Hm. All right.” This rain could likely be the start of cooler weather for fall. Hajime was glad he’d packed extra blankets. 

Tooru and Hajime mounted their horses once more, each carrying a bow to hunt with. Hajime wasn’t the best with it, but he managed. They wandered around the woods for quite some time, until they finally happened across a few deer in a small clearing. Tooru shot the one he aimed for, but Hajime missed his first attempt. Not that two deer were necessary, since they were only aiming to feed the two of them.

On their trek back, the rain started. Light at first, but falling heavier with each minute. Tooru complained loudly, as he didn’t care for being clothed and wet at the same time. “Curse this weather, Hajime. This is terrible,” He whined, sputtering a bit as water fell in his face.

Hajime frowned at him, “Whining won’t make the rain quit.” He was already tired of the water in his eyes, too, but he refrained from complaining. Tooru looked over his shoulder at Hajime, pouting tremendously. Hajime couldn’t help but laugh; Tooru’s normally bouncy hair was completely saturated with water, clinging to his forehead and neck. His clothes were soaked as well, sticking to his body. He somewhat resembled an animal left out in a storm.

“What are you laughing at?” Tooru frowned at Hajime darkly.

“You. You look pathetic. Cute, but pathetic.” Hajime said without thinking. He hoped that Tooru wouldn’t linger on the ‘cute’ for too long.

Tooru blushed, but he didn’t know if Hajime could tell, so he played it cool. “Right. Forgive me for not looking dashing even in the pouring rain,” he griped. He looked Hajime up and down. He was equally as soaked, but his hair was short enough that being wet didn’t mess it up that much. “You don’t look so fantastic either.” 

Hajime just rolled his eyes. Luckily, they were almost back to their tent. Luckily, the hill would keep it from flooding.

When they got back, they tied their horses up, covered the meat, and trudged up to the tent.

“We should probably strip outside, so we don’t get everything wet.” Hajime suggested, pulling at his soaked top. The rain was still falling.

Tooru blushed again, but nodded. He peeled out of his clothes as Hajime did the same, leaving them in a wet heap on a stump by the tent. They were completely nude, but Tooru avoided looking down. He crawled into the tent, suddenly very cold from the rain on his bare skin. Hajime handed him a blanket to dry off with. Hajime went to the bag to pull out clothes, but he was stopped by a chilly hand grabbing his.

“Hajime.” Tooru whispered, not looking at him. “Hajime, I’m cold.” The rain had brought cooler air, plus his skin was chilled by the water.

“I know, that’s why I’m going to get your clothes out.”

“Lay with me.” There was a different tone to his voice. Tooru’s mood had drastically changed. Hajime felt worried.

“Tooru- I- we’re naked.” Hajime floundered for words. Of all of the things that Hajime definitely did not need, infinite skin on skin contact with Tooru was near the top of the list.

Tooru looked up at Hajime, looking positively sad and small. “Hajime, please.” His eyes were big and tired looking, slightly glassy.

Hajime hesitated. “I…” He sighed. “Just until you get warm. Then I need to get dressed.” He felt a hot flush of embarrassment flood up his neck as he sat beside Tooru. Tooru wrapped the blanket around his frame as well. They sunk down, Tooru practically burrowing into Hajime’s chest. His skin had a certain chill to it, and Hajime sighed, rubbing his palms over the cold parts. So much for creating a space between them.

“Hajime,” Tooru whispered in a tone that Hajime knew well. The tone that made Hajime nervous and concerned. The sad tone. “Hajime, do you not like being close to me?”

Hajime hadn’t expected that. “Eh? No, it’s…”

“I’ve noticed the way you’ve been when it comes to touching me.” Tooru looked up, eyebrows pulled together tightly. His eyes looked a little misty.

“I’m touching you now.” Hajime told him, reaching up to touch Tooru’s cheek. “I just… thought it would be better if there was some space between us, literally, but…” He leaned down, holding Tooru tightly, nose in wet hair. “I was wrong.”

“Hajime, I never want to be separated from you.” Tooru sounded insistent. 

“Um,”

“Hajime,” Tooru mumbled, hiding his face again.

“Tooru, I’m going to get dressed now. You should too.” Hajime peeled away from Tooru, who didn't protest this time. Hajime quickly dressed, finishing as Tooru was just getting started buttoning his night shirt. Hajime knelt in front of him, taking over. He was always better at buttons anyways. Their legs were still bare, but they had undergarments on now so Hajime felt more comfortable.

Hajime sat and pulled Tooru close to him, ending up with the sad, pitiable prince in his lap, face pressed into Hajime’s neck. It was a bit awkward, since Tooru was longer than Hajime. Hajime sighed.

He knew then what needed to be said.

“You know we’re not normal,” Hajime started softly, warm hands at the small of Tooru’s back. “Our… ‘friendship’ has never been normal.” Tooru just nodded against Hajime’s shoulder.

“Tooru, I…” Hajime licked his lips, “I don’t know how to say this any other way.” Hajime took a deep breath. His hands slid up Tooru’s back, cupping his face. He moved Tooru’s head so that they were looking at each others’ eyes. Tooru’s cheeks were warm and soft in Hajime’s palms. “I…” Hajime couldn’t find the words. “Damn it all,” He cursed himself. He blushed, and Tooru looked a bit confused.

Hajime couldn’t think of anything else. He leaned forward, pulling Tooru’s face closer.

His eyes slid closed as their lips touched.

Tooru’s hands clutched the back of his shirt.

Tooru’s lips were pressing back.

After a moment, they parted, staring at each other with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. Hajime looked amazed. He wasn’t saying anything, and it was making Tooru nervous.

“Are my kisses so good that you’re at a loss for words?” Tooru quipped shyly, attempting to be flirty.

Hajime blinked, blushed even darker and then frowned. “No. Don’t ruin it.” Hajime leaned forward again, kissing Tooru’s mouth again. “I love you.” He murmured against Tooru’s lips.

“I love you too,” Tooru gasped quietly, eyes pricking with tears. How ridiculous. 

“How- how long?” Hajime asked.

“Um… I realized only just recently but, perhaps forever… You?” Tooru murmured.

“Since you left, really.” Hajime glanced away, looking a bit shy.

Tooru smiled, leaning forward and nuzzling against Hajime’s cheek. They sat there for some time, only listening to the rain tapping on the tent, wrapped around each other. All of the negativity had washed away, and the both of them felt better to be out in the open with their feelings. Hajime felt especially relieved. After almost a year, he’d confessed. Not only that, but Tooru had confessed back.

There was no better feeling.

Things would be difficult, they knew. They agreed, though, that as long as they were together - as long as Hajime could steal kisses in the library on boring afternoons, as long as Tooru led Hajime by the hand - everything would be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your sweet comments <3 It really means a lot to me!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you liked it, please tell me! I love reading comments :') feel free to also follow me on tumblr at baka-yama.tumblr.com 
> 
> <3


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